Talk can be cheap, but not talking can be a disaster

Sometimes people say "talk is cheap." Indeed it is, but we all know that and yet sometimes decline to believe it when it's our talk. We view talk as something of a delaying tactic, or a way to avoid confronting a real issue, or we view talk as easier. Other times we just don’t talk, leading sometimes to a festering of issues that remain unresolved and even creating new ones.

Talking can be a way of putting off decisions that might involve confrontational action of some kind, or perhaps avoid an argument. It is “cheap” energy we give out, but good energy. I had a boss that was fabulously non-confrontational and never created a situation where she had to come face-to-face with a personnel issue or a major conflict with any of her staff. A once close friend of mine never liked to hear any criticism from anyone, and took it as a personal assault, going immediately into defense mode, sometimes pouting or walking away. Others get defensive then counter attack with a short-fuse reaction to what they see as a personal assault.

Walking away is not a solution, of course. It’s another way to avoid and hide.

I’ve also had friends with whom I had sometimes brutal debates, discussions and yell-fests. The funny thing is that those were often the closest relationships I had because it was all out there. While they were generally not intimate relationships, they were strong connections, going back to my late teens. We’d sometimes argue ferociously  . . . then when it was over go out a grab a drink or dinner together. Kind of funny. Back then maybe we didn’t take so much so personally, so the tender areas were tougher. Maybe we just figured our friendships were stronger than even the biggest differences. 

They usually were.

I also think face-to-face conversation is worth many times a “messaging” chat or email back-and-forths. And forget those when you’re tired. Words get misread and tone becomes different . . . Short words become normal and edgier than they were intended. Forget it. Another thought? Don’t engage in any serious discussions after 10 p.m.  . . . That would go double now for any messaging in my book. Bad messaging can lead to unintended disaster.

I think we’ve lost the art of conversation to a large degree nowadays. Perhaps in part because we think we’re so well connected with our computers and smartphones. But we aren’t. We need to talk to our partners, friends and family more. In those cases, talk can be anything but cheap. Don't let feelings fester . . .

What better time to start than around holiday time, when we gather with family and friends?

The worst conversations, of course, are those that never take place. And never will. In the end, we have to decide that our actions, and the actions of others, are what are important to all of us. We always have a choice . . . sit back and do nothing . . . or step out of our comfort zone and decide that those people we care for are worth the effort, and maybe the discomfort, we have when we want to avoid, put off, delay and try to ignore decisions but instead are bold and choose to engage. Sometimes we just need to pick up the phone and say, "Hi." We aren't here forever, don't just put it off for another time. The last thing you want is to think, "Gee, I wish I'd just said something."

Time could be short. Make it all count.