fencepost sitter: Amazon Has Ruined Online Delivery for Every Other Company in the World

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Amazon Has Ruined Online Delivery for Every Other Company in the World

You know how you get on a Saturday when it gets dark, it’s snowing out and, well, it’s Saturday?

As something of a hermit, I tend to get all settled in a bit earlier than normal people, so I was well settled watching one of the 8 million college football bowl games that’ll be airing over the next 10 days, when there was knock at the door.

Now who in the heck would be here on a snowy Saturday? (Remember that hermits don’t get a lot of visitors.) It’s the FedEx guy. It’s 5:30 Saturday evening and he’s delivering the case of cat food I ordered from Amazon earlier in the week (Thursday to be exact). Ok I used a coupon and I get a ton of stuff from Amazon, so as the overseer and inheritor of three rather unsocial cats, I need cat food. Don’t judge.

Two things hit me: One, it sucks to be a FedEx guy on a Saturday when it’s snowing out and some idiot wants food for his cats and, two, Amazon has ruined home delivery for nearly every other company on earth.

With Amazon Prime, I get “free” delivery two-day delivery from Amazon. Of course nothing is free . . . Prime costs around $80 a year, and includes a few other perks, like streaming videos.

Some other companies offer free delivery on most stuff, like LL Beans, but a bunch offer not much and still, in the face of Amazon’s delivery (which is often free regardless of Prime, but not as fast). Companies like Harry and David’s offer free delivery on some items, but continues to peg delivery costs to the final price of the order. And while I understand it costs companies money to pick, pack and ship, charging the shipping and handling add-on based on the price of the goods purchased creates an apples and oranges problem for potential customers. When shipping can add 20 or 30 percent to an order, customers look elsewhere. To its credit, Harry and David’s does offer free shipping on many more items than it used to . . . so you can get those great pears without paying a shipping premium.

By offering fixed-rate shipping, many companies pass on the costs at a reasonable rate. Lucero, my favorite olive oil producer, offers flat rate shipping for $8.95, and free shipping on orders over $100. That works just fine for me.

Yep, Amazon has spoiled me, and no doubt has spoiled millions of other online shoppers as well. It has also hurt smaller businesses unable to cut huge deals with FedEx, UPS or the Postal Service and can’t afford to compete on shipping costs.

So thanks to the people who slug through the snow and the companies who keep those delivery trucks full of all kinds of goodies . . . even if it’s for unsocial cats.

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Time to shop for the garden

The catalogs are coming in and suddenly Spring looks close.

That’s wishful thinking, of course, since we finally have cold weather here as the new year starts . . . Regardless, I can’t stop thinking of how the container garden on my deck will look this summer. That gives me more planting room later this year. I had the old hot tub removed and that section of the deck raised to the level of the main deck . . . That may mean a long raised planting table along one edge and several more containers (I haven’t figured out what kind yet) and a bit more room to spread things out so they aren’t too cramped. I’ll cut down on the varieties I planted last year, focusing on what worked and what I enjoyed fresh as well as what I enjoyed persevering and canning. More flowers to attract bees and hummingbirds as well.

Shopping is always fun . . . In this case it’s fun because I shop for things now that I may start indoors at the end of winter and they transform into things that (hopefully) grown and turn all kinds of pretty.

It helps to have a sense of humor when rolling over in bed

You may laugh, but some of the obstacles disabled people face are things you might never notice, and with some of them you might need a sense of humor.

My recent overnight stay at a hotel was great, and I survived my first overnight in years, with a bunch of help and “my protector” keeping an eye on me and my getting around.

A couple of notes . . . As I mentioned in the main article, carpeting can be an issue for someone with mobility challenges. Wheelchair-bound people know that carpets make getting around difficult, so be aware of that if you’re staying somewhere or attending an event . . . The convention center I visited also had carpet throughout. For those not in a chair, but still challenged getting around, carpet may be comfortable and deaden sounds, but it can also make it easier to trip. Also be aware of any available seating so you (or your friend) can take a break if needed.

Sometimes it pays to have a sense of humor. The bed in my hotel room was top-notch, but significantly softer than my harder mattress at home. I laughed out loud when I found it tougher to roll over in bed because my body was nestled in the softer mattress and not resting a bit higher. Rolling over without part of a leg suddenly became laughable because one can’t push off with a foot if one doesn’t have a foot, so rolling to the left for me required a bit of a “moment,” if you will (no lower right leg means no pushing and rolling to the left).

Lastly, though not connected to my trip, be aware of access in and out of vehicles. My daughter helped me when I was looking for a new car a couple of years ago, and since I couldn’t yet drive (I was taking lessons on hand controls but wasn’t certified yet) she watched me get in and out of the driver’s seats of the cars, and then critiqued each vehicle until we found the right one. (Yep, she drove.)

As I’ve said, I am very lucky and blessed to have supportive friends and family who have taken good care of me. Sometimes people don’t have that kind of support, so be aware and lend a hand every once in a while. Just ask if somebody needs a bit of assistance. They may not, but they’ll appreciate you asking.

A letter to Harrington's of Vermont

Dear Harrington's of Vermont,

What a shame . . .

You have arguably the best hams on the market and without a doubt the best honey mustard (as well as great champagne mustard and cranberry relish) . . . but I won't be buying any of those items from you.

As it has in the past, your outrageous shipping charges stopped me, A $60 order (mustards and relish) and then a $20 shipping charge?

You need to bring those charges into line with the rest of the world.

If I can get a case of olive oil from Lucero (or any number of bottles) with flat rate shipping charges or no shipping charges (depending on the specials), then I certainly should be about to get better shipping from Harrington's. I understand the issues . . . handling and packing, etc., but those are no different than your competitors.

The market is filled with competitors, and while some of us might prefer to buy our hams from you, we just can't see paying your steep shipping penalties. I've brought this up with you before, and kept hoping for specials that included shipping, or a reasonable flat-rate charge . . . but no. There are simply too many other companies from which to buy . . . Smithfield's, Harry and David's, Burgers, to name a few.

I spent a fair amount of money on food gifts this year, but none with you . . . and that's a shame . . . Though you all really seem not to be willing to consider updating your business plan to compete.

I wish you continued success and a very happy holiday season.

Steve Brophy

This year, give a sweater or coat

It's that time of year . . . when we gather to give thanks for all the wonderful things in our lives . . . when we reflect on the year passing by . . . when we remember friends and family we've lost . . . when we start to look forward to the next year . . . and when we stuff ourselves with as much turkey and ham and side dishes we can possibly ingest . . .

But it's also a time we should remember those less fortunate than us . . . It's easy to overlook them, but it's easy to make a different in the lives of people who might need a little helping hand . . . When you're inviting people to a party, ask them to bring a spare coat or sweater to be donated to a local charity.

You'll find you can donate dozens of items like that to a local charity you choose . . . Those 20 people you're having over to enjoy so holiday cheer means at least 20 warm coats for people who might otherwise go cold this winter. I can take a coat to a charity, but taking 20 coats is 20 times better.

Encourage your friends and families to do the same. We all have a coat or two we no longer wear tucked into the back of a closet. Not everyone is as lucky as we are . . . make the gesture and make it a family tradition. It's a simple thing to do and you're spreading your good fortune on to others . . .

The RNC takes on NBC . . . That’s a two-edged sword

The Republican National Committee doesn’t like NBC much.

Not happy with this week’s debate moderators . . . mostly over specific questions that often seemed designed to create on-stage squabbles (something the other debates seemed to do as well) instead of drawing out policy positions . . . CNBC started taking heavy fire from Republicans and the RNC even before the stage mikes were unplugged.

The RNC announced it was breaking its deal with NBC on a future debate because it felt CNBC did such a crappy job. There also seems to be an issue with the RNC, say some of the candidates, some of whom may initiate and take part in "unapproved" debates. Those might be more useful to those of us looking for some insights.

I didn’t like some of the questions because they seemed petty and personal, not insightful or asked to get information about any candidate’s policy positions. But “dropping” NBC (there do appear to be future discussions in the works to work out a deal) is a terrible idea for the RNC, though it no doubt soothes some, it also points to a whiney weakened party struggling to get out of its own way. A strong party would work out better debate parameters, make a statement about the debate and move on. Any one of the candidates could have used his or her time to outline his or her positions on a variety of issues instead of sparing with other candidates and the moderators.

If NBC is blacklisted by the GOP, I’d love to see the other networks pull their support for future debates. It won’t happen (the ad revenue to too high) but it sure would be a good story, eh?

Political parties should not be able to mandate which news organizations they want to cover them. Seems to me that’s trying to restrict the press . . .

. . . Like the media or not, that’s a very slippery slope.

As Fall Fades

Fall’s making what may be its last gasp this week, with most of the trees having shed their colorful leaves. The last of the veggie garden succumbed to the nighttime frosts, and we’re reminded to get the snow shovel out of the closet and get the ice scraper back into the car before the snow flies. Mornings are brisk, and though the days are shorter and dark at get-up time and get-back-from-work time, the sun still manages to stream through the almost naked trees, bounce off the Sugar River and other rivers around here, and at least provide us with a visual warmth those cool mornings and evenings.

It’s all wrapping up and soon the snow will fly, and if we’re wise, we’ll take the time to enjoy that time, too . . . even if, buried in wind-whipped snow drifts and bracing ourselves against the seemingly ever-colder weather, we think it’ll never end.

It will . . . and then comes Spring.

Sometimes It's the Little Things

Funny how sometimes it’s just the little things.

Being able to drive now is huge. Who thinks about that? The fact that I could drive for a long while, kind of made me resigned to that. But once the lessons were done and the Jeep modified, it all changed. Getting out, even just to drive downtown to mail my Netflix disc or make a pit stop at Dunkin Donuts is real nice.

To be sure, there were a few people a tad nervous the first time they hopped in . . . looked at the hand controls and the metal piece covering the accelerator and worried a bit. But after a few minutes they relaxed and all was good.

Sometimes it’s the little things . . .

Finding the right vehicle to fit me and the fake leg

Car makers need to tell buyers what the so-called h-point of their vehicles is . . . that’s, in essence, the seat entry height of a vehicle. Why’s that important? Well, for older people, it tells them the height of the seat, making it easier for them to shop for a car without sitting their butts in every vehicle they might be interested in buying. Saving aging knees and hips is important.

For me, the seat height (measured from the ground to the seat cushion (let’s start with the seat set as low as possible) is important because with only one leg, it’s harder to get out of a car with too low a seat. That also means I have to eliminate vehicles that are too high (like my old but trusty Ford Expedition) since they are too difficult for me to get into safely.

Remember that a prosthesis (I’m a below the knee amputee) doesn’t really bend or flex. That means I can’t flex that right ankle under or over pedals once in the car, and stepping up to too high a step can be a bit precarious (think old guy slipping off the side step into a foot of snow . . . I kid, but the image of that does flash through my head). So measure the height of the seat from the ground . . . big comfort differences become clear . . . my parents’ old Subaru was 23 inches . . . a friend’s Toyota Rav 4 is 28 inches. That five or six inches can make a huge difference.

While I have no problem getting out of a chair, say, 20 inches off the floor, it’s a different matter with a car . . . one has to rotate sideways and then stand, without any side arms on which to push off. So that 28 inches seemed pretty good, with the seat hitting just below my butt, making it easy to simply sit, then rotate, pulling my good leg and my “fake leg” in.

Turned out a 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee was just the ticket. Erin drove it. I got in and out of both sides really well, and under her very close observation. She declared it was the best fit of the three vehicles we tried, right height, no foot operated emergency brake (gets in the way when entering and exiting), and plenty of room in the foot/pedal area. Done.

We wrap up the hand control lessons, get the Jeep adapted and we’re on the road again.

Healthy fat people? Maybe you are now, but keep a close eye on yourself

I used to buy in to the "healthy fat people" argument, but not so much any more. The checkups show everything’s good . . . blood pressure, heart rate, blood sugar. All the usual stuff. The problem is that things can go south fast. Real fast.

Suddenly the blood sugar spikes, the blood pressure rises, you can’t exercise as much, you’re more tired and then more things start to go wrong. Let’s be clear, it may not happen . . . But on the other hand, it might, and weight can play a huge role in a big person’s long-term health.

I’m not talking a few pounds, but if you (like me) are carrying way too much weight, start to take it off. Eat better (limit the junk), walk more, and all those things you know you should do. Stopping smoking should be at the top of the list. (I smoked most of my life, but no more.) I’m not going to preach, and I’m not some skinny-never-been-10-pounds-overweight nutrition diva pounding on you. You know what’s working for you and what isn’t. You know your knees hurt, stairs make you huff and puff, you sweat when you exert even a little, and your body complains regularly.

Take care of yourself. Go to the doctor, and make sure you have your blood sugar checked every time. If you feel off, go to the doctor. I didn’t. I do now.

Some insurance rules are dumb, but ignoring them could ruin your life

Thrown into the health care system suddenly is a rather daunting thing to face. First, you’re in trouble and have no idea what will be covered and what won’t. Second, figuring out government insurance is a nightmare. How anyone could figure this out without someone as bright and wise and determined as my sister, Anne, is beyond me. If one isn’t computer literate, forget it. At times it seems the entire system is designed to be as complicated and confusing as possible so people give up before they get through it.

I ended up qualified, and deemed disabled.

Let’s also note that even top dogs in the health care field don’t really have a firm grasp on the entire insurance/disability landscape. Reimbursements, coverage, income limits, etc, but I got great care at Dartmouth Hitchcock and good rehab help at Valley Regional.

Be careful of the rules (some of them ridiculous) . . . If you get a motorized scooter, insurance won’t pay for a prosthesis . . . if you are confined to a wheelchair, insurance will pay for an ambulance to take you to an appointment with the prosthetist, but if you’re more mobile, say using crutches, they won’t . . . insurance won’t pay for crutches if you need a walker (which may only be temporary), and vice versa . . . even though you’ve had an amputation, insurance may not pay for a wheelchair (I was told I could rent one for a month).

The rules are complicated. It took days to get an answer on insurance coverage at the end of rehab. Check your complete coverage before you make any decisions.

Insurance is one health care issue, another is making any system work

Again a delay finding out what is and what isn’t approved by Medicaid . . . Sunday June 26 . . . ordered $1,200 of equipment because I could wait no longer for Valley Regional and Keene Medical to figure out what Medicaid would pay for . . .

Since I was supposed initially to be home Wednesday June 19, I‘ve lost hope in this type of connection and answer.

It’s clear nobody knows the answer, or Medicaid takes too long to respond to questions, or information isn’t being properly provided to Medicaid. So I add a wheelchair, walker and crutches to my Visa bill thinking that at least one of those items will be covered by Medicaid. One would think there would be a simple check-off for needed equipment and then a quick electronic answer . . . nope.

Finally heard from Medicaid. They’d cover one month’s rent of a wheelchair and either crutches or a walker. Part of the issue, apparently was if you can get around on a walker, then you don’t need crutches, and vice versa. And, of course, if you’re able to get around with a walker, you don’t need a wheelchair.

I sense a very long and loud primal scream coming.

As someone who has now been in and through “the system,” I can say that government is hugely inefficient, slow to act, and, at best, fabulously confusing. Thanks to my sister, who navigated my case into and through the system of government insurance, I went from uninsured to insured. Herein, as an aside, is the big bullet that the healthcare system takes for providing care

The rehab racket

Now they won’t tell you this, but rehab facilities do whatever they can to avoid this leg trap thing. (Which means any prosthesis done while the patient is in the hospital or similar facility has to be billed through the hospital to the insurance company, instead of by the leg maker directly to the insurance company.)

I had one rehab rep tell me they would rehab me thoroughly to a wheelchair and then I could leave the facility, get a prosthesis and then come back to continue my rehab (I was told that’s illegal.).

Since the entire process is based on reimbursement, they don’t want patients with “complications,” such as vacuum wound care systems, IVs or other fairly normal medical things. They say they’ll take anyone . . . but you’ll soon learn that just isn’t the case.

Rehab “recruiters” float through hospitals trying to sign up patients (that’s a rather crass look, but it seems to hold true). One, representing a multi-facility company, completely misrepresented herself and my medical issues, apparently mixing my chart up with that of another patient.

Be aware of what’s going on around you and if something seems wrong, don’t be afraid to say something. Hospitals have, at one level or another, patient advocates.

If you need help, ask for one. Nobody likes an obnoxious troublesome patient, and goodness knows they had plenty of those in both places, but asking questions and getting answers is a good thing.

Funny how and when music pops into our heads

Music plays a part in all our lives.

I’m a middle-aged guy (ok . . . a bit past that), so some of my favorite music goes back a bit. Funny that the first song that came to me when I woke up in the recovery room after having my foot amputated was “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, a song I’ve loved for years and years. Yes, The Secret Garden Live version, by the way. Funny how a few songs track through our lives

The second song (there were tons) was Jimi Hendrix “Little Wing,” and the third was “Come Talk to Me,” also by Peter Gabriel.

Waking up in that big recovery room (I was there three times . . . the last after my leg amp), it’s funny what pops into your head. I felt pretty good, watched all the nurses and doctors going about their business, and these music video visuals started popping into my head, Peter Gabriel, Pink, Clapton . . . what the heck?

I’m not going to try and analyze that, and this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it, but in a weird way it seemed pretty normal. I know, weird. Maybe I had been listening to them before I crashed, or maybe those types of things are generated by our brains just to make us feel better.

Hadn't seen him in years, but an old friend was there for us all

It’s scary going into a hospital. And really scary when you’re going in with a significant problem.

I haven’t had an emergency room visit in who knows how long (may have been a hard ski fall at Stratton when I was a teenager and jammed my shoulder . . . and that was a clinic at the mountain). Lucky me, this time I visited two in one day.

It was no easier for those with me and soon to follow, and I have to commend an old friend and junior high classmate, Dr. Horace Henriques, a trauma and acute care surgeon and associate professor of surgery, at Dartmouth Hitchcock for not only being there for me with regular visits during my stay, but also being there for my family, especially Erin.

Thrown into the deep end, Erin had to handle doctors and other staff, me, friends and family. Horace took the time out of his incredibly busy schedule to assure her he was there for any help she needed or questions she had and to support her when the rest of my rather control-driven family arrived. Very much appreciated all around.

Of Course Gun Sales Are up

I don’t know why everyone seems so surprised by a spike in
gun sales since the whole gun-control debate heated up again.

Someone says there aren’t going to be any more peanuts,
people who want peanuts are going to run out and buy a ton of them before they disappear. Look at the Twinkie rush when Hostess headed into bankruptcy.

So it only figures that when someone says (or people believe) the government’s going to ban certain guns, people will run out and
buy more. It isn’t the big story one might think from reading all the news articles. It also isn’t a big shock that the stocks of publicly traded gun makers have prospered as well. Companies are in business to make money, and more guns sold mean more money for these companies.

Relax . . . you may or may not like it, but it’s how things work.

Shame on Huckabee and Fisher for Turning Kids Blood into Political Gain

Shame on Mike Huckabee and conservative Christian radio host
Bryan Fischer(and a director at the American Family Association). They’re my Idiots of the Week, barely edging out the Pope, who feels gay marriage poses a threat tojustice and peace in the world.

You kind of expect the Pope to say something, like that, but
Huckabee and Fisher took mere hours to proclaim that the massacre of teachers and children in Sandy Hook, CT, happened because God isn’t allowed in schools.

Both men commented with the blood still drying on the floor. The blood of children and educators.

"We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we
have systematically removed God from our schools," Huckabee said on Fox News. "Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?"

“The question is going to come up, where was God? I thought
God cared about the little children. God protects the little children. Where was God when all this went down. Here's the bottom line, God is not going to go where he is not wanted,” Fisher said on his show.

While both statements are predicable from each guy, the fact
that they wasted no time in saying such things, in essence turning a horrible tragedy into political points is disgusting. Shame on you both for using dead children as political pawns.

Ah the Trumpster, a Cartoon Guy

Don’t you just love Donald Trump?

I mean here’s a guy who really has no impact whatsoever on the lives of most Americans, and yet we sometimes hang on his every silly word. Offering $5 million to Obama for his college records (I would have done it for $1 million, by the way) . . . seemingly taking credit for every celebrity success since Fred Flintstone . . . fueling the birther bus all along the campaign trail . . . and stamping his name on everything from bottled water to mattresses . . .

I’m sure he’d tell you he’s always the smartest guy in the room, but his public acts have turned him into a cartoon character of himself . . . a really rich guy completely out of touch with reality. Oh sure, construction guys still cheer him on the street and the media can’t wait to spread his next public blathering .

But the sad truth is that Trump really has had nothing sensible to say in some time. He may have lots of shiny buildings with polished shiny stuff inside, but maybe he should take a look at himself and realize if he wants to step out of his self-made cartoon world he needs to get a grasp on reality and polish himself a bit.

Quick-Draw Politicians Dopes of The Week

It gets easier and easier as the Presidential campaign rolls
on to November.

My Dopes of the Week (and I realize the week is far from
over and there are a lot of dopes) are politicians who can’t hold their water until events make themselves more clear. In this case, the attack on a U.S. consulate in Libya and the large protest at the U.S. embassy in Cairo.

Jumping up in the middle of the night, Republicans rolled
out of bed and complained that the embassy’s response to the protests appeared to be an apology to the protesters about an anti-Muslim internet movie. While the administration was quick to note that the response was not approved, the piling on continued Wednesday, despite the warnings of many conservatives who noted that the rants were harmful and out of place given the timing. Can we please have a little respect for our murdered diplomats?

Eh, who listens? The drum beat continued through the day
with the pounding of the Obama administration over its foreign policy. And would-be Vice President Paul Ryan going so far as to say military budget cuts are in large part responsible for the perceived “weakness” of the administration overseas. He failed to note that he had voted for the same cuts. Oh well, it’s politics.
Dopes.

Pat Robertson Proves to be a Tornado Dope

This Dope of the Week thing is so easy sometimes.

This week, despite a continuing rise to dopedom by so many politicians, entertainers and others, I’m gonna put Pat Robertson at the helm of the dopes.

Saying the dozens of tornadoes that ripped through nine states, killing, 40 people and destroying hundreds of buildings, were caused because people in those areas didn’t pray enough. Oy.

Robertson pops onto the radar every once in a while with some proclamation or another about such and such happening because people didn’t pray enough or supposedly did something or another to bring nature’s wrath down upon them.

I would suggest that Mr. Robertson shut up about people not praying enough and instead offer a prayer for those whose lives have been devastated by the storms.

Dopes: Bite Your Tongues and Try Operating Your Brains

Oh my goodness, it’s not even spring and the dopes are sprouting like crocuses through the last bits of New England snow . . . Unfortunately, winter is just starting and we’re in an election year, so no doubt dopes, like Kansas House Speaker Mike O’Neal will continue to bloom for months. Nobody, of course believes politicians are all that bright to begin with, but dumb is dumb.O’Neil, a Republican, sent an email to fellow state Republicans referring to Michelle Obama as “Mrs. YoMama.” Dope. You may not like the President or his wife, but this obviously racially-tinged jab has no place in an email from politicians to other politicians. Personal attacks like this have no place in the games, and this is just the latest of stupid comments forwarded by Obama’s political opponents. Hint: If it’s not policy driven and instead targets physical appearance etc. don’t say it. O’Neal should at the very least be censured.

Dopes: Drug Testing Millions of Unemployed Workers

I’m also going to throw those Republicans pushing for drug testing for the unemployed into the dope bus. Without any evidence, the likes of Michigan Republican Rep. Dave Camp, chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley (R), and Republican Congressman Jack Kingston from Georgia have tried to push the idea that every unemployed person is nothing more than an out-of-luck druggie. There is no evidence and no data backing this rather radical idea . . . Under some circumstances, I’ve felt drug testing is a valid way to screen smaller and more focused groups, but it’s best used by companies as part of the hiring process. Advocating drug testing for all unemployed people (let’s remember we’re talking somewhere around 12 million people) is ill-advised, impractical (who is going to pay for all that testing?), and seems aggressively “anti-people,” an all-too-common theme in today’s political theater . . . Dopes.

Dope: The Nazi Thing

Completely ignoring my “don’t compare your political opponents to Nazis” advice, Florida Congressman Allen West said recently, "If Joseph Goebbels was around, he'd be very proud of the Democrat Party, because they have an incredible propaganda machine." . . . As Hitler’s propaganda minister, Goebbels was largely responsible for driving the anti-semantic fervor that eventually sent millions of Jews to their deaths . . . Congressman West broke the “no Nazi” rule and has been called out by Jewish groups for using that kind of rhetoric. But West, as is usual for those who like calling out but hating to get called out, accused the media of twisting his words . . . His words seemed pretty clear to me . . . Dope . . .

I'm Cooking a Turkey

Sorry PETA, I’m cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving.

I know they want me to create a work of art resembling a turkey from tofu, but it isn’t going to happen. I like turkey and I love Thanksgiving dinner . . . the bird, the sweet potato casserole, the stuffing (or dressing if you prefer not to stuff the bird) . . . Yep, it all works for me, even that canned cranberry sauce. It’s my childhood . . . And while I like what PETA has to say about a number of things, this time of year they seem to go way out of the box for publicity . . . I don’t wear fur and would rather see live animals wandering around than dead ones draped over someone’s back . . . I don’t really get the honey issue for vegans (bees as slaves? Really?) . . . And I like that good people adopt dogs and cats from shelter even though you don’t like people having pets . . .but have at it and enjoy your holiday meals centered around your tofurkey . . . it’s all good . . . just remember to give thanks for all you have and say a little prayer for those who aren’t able to put food on the label, let alone a tofurkey . . .

Occupy Wall Street: Where's it Headed?

The Occupy Wall Street movement, which has spread to cities across the country, may be easy for some to dismiss, but also appears to be a simple and obvious sign of frustration lurking throughout the country. That frustration is growing.

Though it lacks focus, gathering protesters bemoaning everything from the banking system to unemployment to the wars, one only has to look to Greece to see where this may go. Comparisons to the start of the Tea Party movement are a little thin, since Tea Partiers were directly focused on government spending. While some Tea Party groups have stayed singly focused on spending, the movement as a whole has drifted to the right and embraces far right positions on social issues on abortions, Planned Parenthood and the like.

One of the major unanswered questions: Are these people with serious issues or are they people who merely want something for nothing, and are looking for a handout from someone, anyone?

Cracks appear to be emerging among different participants as they jockey for media exposure, so we’ll see if there’s enough glue to hold all the parts together. If the Occupy Wall Streeters can turn their protests into specific, easily translated issues, then the “movement” will move forward. If not, then it runs the risk of collecting trouble makers who want nothing more then to bait police and throw rocks through windows.

Oh My, Another Darn Judgment Day

Oh crap, the world is going to end October 21. The headline read, “Doomsday Prophet Predicts New Date For Judgment Day.” . . . Well, call me skeptical, but Harold Camping, the so-called prophet, is no prophet. In this fast-paced wired world, any hack can get his or her 15 minutes of fame without really even trying hard. Now there may be a Judgment Day some day, but I’m not going all-in on October 21. And, apparently, the thousands who bought into Camping’s May 21 apocalypse prediction aren’t either as the spring’s hoopla has turned into the fall’s low-key, maybe we should just watch the leaves turn, non-event . . . But Camping got his 15 minutes and I guess will get a minute or two more every few months. Unless, of course, the world actually does end, which would suck for him because then there wouldn’t be anyone around to tell him he was finally right.

Recession? And Not Much Hope on the Way

Recession? Could well be we’re headed for another one . . . or will stay in the one we’re probably already in . . . No job growth, banks in continuing crisis, record foreclosures, falling markets around the world . . . It seems never to end. With an annual growth rate of less than 1 percent, our government is out of money. Without money there’s not much razzle-dazzle left and we’re, in essence, out of ammo. (Think Sigourney Weaver in Aliens) . . . Not much looks good on the horizon. Our politicians are holding the release of disaster funds, they can’t agree or compromise on much of anything. No vision there, and Wall Street will continue to sell off when traders get nervous. And they are nervous. One problem, of course is that with 10-year Treasury rates less than 2 percent, there aren’t too many places to park money and make money while you’re waiting for the ammo truck to arrive. Sigourney Weaver got out of it to make a couple more Aliens movies . . . Hopefully we aren’t like those poor guys at the Alamo waiting for John Houston . . . because he ain’t coming.

Ahh, the Growing Myths of 2011

Clearly gay marriage will destroy the American family. Clearly, the EPA is bad for America and Americans. Clearly, any science showing climate change is a man-made problem is a fraud and is merely a ploy to raise money for the scientists. Clearly there’s no science in science and as a politician I know better . . . The great myths of 2011 grow louder . . . Get the feeling you’re trapped in a political vortex devoid of any real discussion, reasonable conversation or, well, any glimpse of reality? . . . This is a world where truth seems not to matter. Get used to it . . . we’re in an election year, and things will only get worse as they try to position themselves as the best and the brightest. Even the chipmunks in my yard know they aren’t. Nevertheless, somewhere here is your next President. Good luck to us all.

Pee in the Damn Cup Already

I know that nowadays it’s not fashionable to be open and honest publicly if it might hurt someone’s feelings.

Awww . . . poor babies.

So when I read the ACLU is suing Florida over the state’s law requiring drug testing for welfare recipients, it irked me. Generally I’m not in favor of all the big brother stuff, but in this case I really don’t have an issue. After all, companies drug test employees and potential employees all the time.

Why can’t the states if they are giving tax (public) money out to help people in need? Heck, before I was hired at E.F. Hutton, not only did I have to take a drug test, but a polygraph as well. Now the polygraph thing has long since been dropped, but not the drug tests.

If you test everyone, I have no real issue, and in the financial industry, the couriers and other bonded employees were tested, so everyone was. No biggie, frankly. I never felt my rights were being violated or I was being somehow abused.

If I had to get money from the state now and a drug test was a part of the deal, I’d take the cup and pee. It’s not an indictment on those peeing into the cup, it’s a way to make sure those feeding at the public’s expense are clean.

Shut up and pee into the cup.

Sucks to be a Colts' Fan

Oh it sucks to be a Colts' fan.

Payton Manning the face of . . . ummm, no . . . THE franchise is down and out following a second surgery on his neck and will be down and out for the entire season. I like Kerry Collins, but he’s no Payton Manning. Some pundits think the Colts will finish the year with just three or four wins without Manning. Ouch.

So when you think your team is paying too much to that back-up quarterback who has been holding a clipboard for years as your starter stated, think again. That guy’s learning the system, building his skills and is getting ready for his time. The Colts had no such guy . . . no guy that they felt could step in when their starter went down. That’s not a good plan.

As former clip-board holders, I’m sure Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers and their respective coaches, would agree.

Impressed with the Candidates?

Raise your hand if you’re impressed with the Republican presidential candidates after last night’s debate. Ok . . . I’ll give you a few minutes to ponder. . . .

Really, nobody? Not one of you? Wow . . . I am shocked. (Not really.)

In a modern world where civil political debate and moderation have gone the way of cheap cigarettes and cheap gas, the fringe of the GOP has dumped the old conservatism that built the party and continues its hard-right turn into what may prove unwinability.

In most jobs, if 87 percent of those rating your performance think that performance sucks, you’d get fired. I’m thinking if most any of these congressional boneheads had actual jobs in a corporation or other business, they’d be fired in a week. Let’s remember that these people aren’t volunteers on some local panel . . . they get paid (by you) and their salaries put them well within the top 4 percent of wage earners in the U.S.

I’m throwing the candidates into that pool for now. I’m unimpressed and am beginning to wonder if we really are living at a time when our greatness has started a fall we won’t be able to stop.

Shame on You Mr. President

Shame on you President Obama . . . you have just eliminated one of the major differences between Democrats and Republicans: caring about the environment.

Well, actually two differences: the environment and public health. By blocking the EPA from revising virtuously worthless smog regulations (which wouldn’t have taken effect for years), you joined Republicans in the piss-on-the-environment movement. Or rather their piss-on-the-environment agenda.

I want my air good . . . my water clean . . . my hamburger safe and the wings to stay on the plane when it takes off . . . Government’s job is to regulate business to a reasonable degree (and “reasonable” will be debated), protect its people and the environment with basic safety laws. I like trees and grass and a bunch of other natural stuff . . . I’m not a radical environmentalist, but protecting the environment now and for the future should be a clear and unflinching governmental role.

Again, Mr. President, you flinched and then caved.

The Donald

Nah, I wouldn’t vote for The Donald. Of course if he ran, it’d be a great show, and there’s no question he is a personality and perhaps has the business experience needed to help get us through this financial crisis (and avoid the next one). But he’s too sensitive a guy . . . firing off emails at the slightest shot fired at him . . . going all MMA on those who question his sincerity and going all birther on Obama. Then there’s the hair. Please, once of my work rules was never to work for a guy who had hair plugs because I figured if he had that much insecurity about going bald he’d be a lousy boss. Do a Giuliani and cut it short, Donald . . . it won’t help get voters, but it’ll look a lot less ridiculous.

Worst Idea of the Week: Students Packing Heat on Campus

Here's a great idea: Let people carry guns on to college campuses. What's the matter with these people? I have no fundamental issue with packing heat, but on college campuses? Bad idea. The arguments for it don't make sense . . . that if students have guns they can protect themselves in case some wacko starts turning the place into a shooting gallery. I'm more inclined to think some kid's going to blow his foot off in bio lab. Funny how law enforcement groups think this is a horrible idea. I'm thinking a lot more people are going to get shot on college campuses where this ridiculous legislation has passed. Arizona has, and Texas probably will. Really bad idea.

Macy’s Nails First Suckie Service Award of the Year

Congrats to Macy’s for managing to botch what most every other company in the world seems to nail as a lay-up: Delivering an email gift certificate.

Oustandingly botched at every point. Failed to deliver it twice (and, yes, the right email was on the receipt), wrongly said everything was taken care of with botched second delivery, more than a week to send it again, more than three weeks (and counting) to issue credit. Yikes.

We use these darn things because they are simple, quick and usually easy to bag what we want to give without hassles. Except in Macy’s case. Forget it. I’m done with them online. After all, it’s not like there aren’t a billion other companies who can get this right.

Black Eyed Peas and Boom Boom Pow at the Super Bowl

The NFL, wisely, has selected the Black Eyed Peas to perform at half-time during the next Super Bowl. The NFL tries to be hip about these things (though the past few Super Bowls have been rather lacking in the half-time music department) and certainly the Black Eyed Peas are as hip as they come. I’m guessing here, but let’s put up Let’s Get It Started, Boom Boom Pow and I’ve Got a Feeling as potential offerings. I’m pretty sure they won’t be singing My Humps. Too bad. An annoyingly great song.

1800 Tequila Nails Suckie Ad Award

Are you kidding me? I'm going to drop my coins on a tequila just because it has a cap that can pour a shot? I don't think so. This is important and powerful stuff. One doesn't mess with tequila. With it one makes the marvelous margarita, specially designed for summertime sugar rushes and cloudy political debates by the pool or overlooking that bay. So I need a cap that pours a shot? Why the heck do I need that? How about one that comes with a cap that locks down the bottle when everyone drinking the margaritas starts seeing UFOs or sharing how they're planning for disaster after seeing the movie 2012?

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Amazon Has Ruined Online Delivery for Every Other Company in the World

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