Five Tips for Politicians Who Never Seem to Learn

It seems we need another reminder on what never to say (or act) when running for political office. I say this because apparently the candidates never seem to learn.

First, try not to use the “Nazi” card . . . as in “Those other guys are acting like a Nazis by not voting on this measure I really like.” Just rubs people the wrong way unless you're trying to find a real bad guy for a book or movie.

Second, avoid the “God called on me to run” card. If God called on you, I’m doubting it was to throw your hat into a ring filled with political fools, which now includes you. I’m not sure, but God probably won’t set the bar that low.

Third, if you’re accused of some wrongdoing in your past, don’t act surprised if it comes up now. That’s not a media conspiracy, that the media’s job. Address the issue assertively and clearly and honestly when the story breaks. Don’t keep altering and clarifying it over the next couple of weeks. Then lay off personally attacking whatever or whomever it is accusing you of whatever and tell your lawyer not to threaten anyone (re: Herman Cain’s attorney Lin Wood). Failure to accept this will result in a story growing legs and developing over weeks, kill your campaign (no matter how much you bitch at the press), and in the end won’t stop whatever truth there is from coming out. People will forgive and forget, but not if you fumble, mumble and lie at the outset.

Fourth, don’t wear a coat and tie when campaigning in a country diner. If you dress differently than those around you, you’re the “don’t get it” politician. Fit in you dope. Nobody wears a coat and tie to a diner unless they’re on their way to an office job. Lose the fancy duds, break out an old golf shirt (not a new Izod) and have at those eggs and country-fried steak with homemade biscuits. In the long run you’ll feel much better about yourself and those photos of you fitting in with the locals will live forever.

Fifth, try not to be stupid. We voters aren’t, in the long run, stupid. We may act that way in the beginning, but we’ll eventually figure you out. Try to come up with some useful ideas instead of just pissing on the other guy. And if you’re running attack ads instead of giving us a good idea of where you stand on issues important to us (start with the economy, jobs, Medicare, the deficit people like you created, healthcare and child welfare . . . feel free to add yours). Why should I vote for you, not just why shouldn’t I vote for the other schmuck? I figure you’re not going to keep your pledges when you’re elected, but at least give me something to chew on before I get into the voting booth.

(Note: Don’t worry, I have tons of other tips for these guys. After all, with a year to go, do you really think they have a clue about how to act or not to act?)

Experts? Nah . . . Just Filter the News and Find Your Way Through the Maze of Confusion, Pundits and Boneheaders

I had an editor at a newspaper who told us never the use the word “expert” in a headline “because one man’s expert is another man’s assh***.” That was then and this is now . . . we live in a world filled with "experts."

I was lucky in that first full-time job at a local paper. My first editor told me to forget writing for the sports desk and instead work as a general assignment reporter for a bit, and if I decided to head to sports later, then that was fine, but writing about sports, he said, didn’t make me a news guy, which he felt was the base for any journalistic endeavors later. He was right, as a reporter and feature writer I was able to

The newspaper industry is dying a slow torturous death as we turn to online news sources. The editorial and op-ed pages was where the opinions were printed. Now, people don’t get the difference between news shows and “pundit” shows. Bill O’Reilly is not a news person. Neither is Rachael Maddow. You may like ‘em, but they’re not giving you the news, they are giving you commentary.

The world has changed, we think something, Tweet it and it’s around the world to all our followers in a flash. We share our thoughts and lives on Facebook and all that is out there, where that is, forever. Now even your neighbor is an “expert” on whatever because he saw it on the web. Yikes.

Put on your “news” filters, folks, because if you’re getting your “news” from one place, then you’re probably mis-informed. We used to read at least eight or 10 papers a day. Of course we didn’t have to pay for them and they were all delivered to the news desk, but the point is that we actually read. Not glimpsed or skimmed . . . actually read. That seems to be too much work for people now. We surrounded by more news and media outlets than ever . . . but we still take those one-time internet posts and pass them around from place to place until they seem real and truthful. A while later they circulate again . . . they seem even more real and truthful then.

Let’s remember to take step back filter what you read and then take a few minutes to fact-check. Because along with all those news and media outlets are dozens of easy to access sites that debunk rumors and untruths, or help you give you the cold facts on information you’re digesting.

We vote for a President in a year. It’s worth the small effort to check those claims, charges and statements from those who would be President. You may not get much ink on your fingers in this digital age, but there’s no excuse for not getting the news you want if you want it.

My Pet Peeves . . . I Have a Few (Don't Try to Steal Them . . . They're Mine)

Much as I’d like to say I have no pet peeves, the truth is I actually have a few. Hard to believe, but our pet peeves are our way of pausing and going, “hmmm . . . that’s weird . . . why do they do that?” You know, those little things that kind of make us twitch a bit. Now, since I’m pretty much a hermit up here in New Hampshire I’ve whittled down my pet peeve list a bit.

But a few remain. Most of them, I’ll admit, are a bit silly . . .

What’s with the tomato and lettuce on the bottom of those restaurant burgers? That stuff’s supposed to be on top.

Why can’t a label be honest? “Natural,” for instance means virtually nothing on a food label. I also want to know whether or not my veggies have been genetically engineered or my fish raised in some fish farm somewhere. So tell me.

Why can I get an airplane delivered by Amazon for nothing, but it costs more than the product itself to ship from some places? (Finally Harry and David is offering better or free shipping on some orders . . . and LL Bean’s is nailing it with its new free shipping policy and ad campaign.)

Hair plugs. Really? One of my subconscious work rules was to never work for a guy with hair plugs. If he’s that insecure about his hairline, what the heck else is he going to be insecure about and how does that play with his being a boss? And while we’re at it, why are there still so many guys doing the comb-over thing? If’s you’re covering more than a couple of inches of bare landscape, then cut it and forget it.

Stop trying to make your restaurant’s food fancier than it is. Resist your urge to cover a great piece of fish with an over-wrought sauce. Keep it simple and showcase the food.

Don’t ask me to trust you while you’re sharpening a knife when I’m not around. The workplace has changed . . . look out for yourself and protect yourself. They’ll dump you if they can because they have their own agendas, and you may not know what they are. Be careful about hitching a ride on your boss’ skirt because you never know when they’ll come after him or her and you’ll get caught in the crossfire. Call me a cynic . . . but it happens again and again . . . we all have the work scars to prove it.

I’ll save a few for later . . . I don’t want to seem too pet peevy, after all . . .