A few personal thoughts and (little) goals for a New Year

I guess we all make resolutions at one time or another . . . It sure seems the thing to do New Year’s Eve. Can I avoid making "resolutions" and instead offer a few thoughts on things that are important to me next year and maybe a few things I hope to accomplish? (Don't get all excited, they're pretty unexciting and perhaps mundane, but I'm owning them, such as they are.)

So what’s on my mind entering a new year? Here’s are 7 thoughts . . .

I’ll start by stating the obvious . . . I want to stay healthy this year and avoid hospitals. It sure seems that if hospitals were timeshares and I had a piece of that action, I’d get my money’s worth out of it . . . I’d rather avoid that.

1. So I’ll eat better and exercise more, increase the walking and lift more weights.

The house is my castle. The bedroom has been rearranged, living room and kitchen areas are good, but the office remains a disaster.

2. That office cleanup will be finished in 2016.

As my de-cluttering continues, I’ll pare things down a bit . . . That means some books, dvds, art and random collections (maybe even some comic books) will go. More books to the senior home and the troops, and a few things on Craigslist. All my salt water fishing things went this year, but the freshwater gear is set.

3. That means some more fishing in 2016.

I’ve always enjoyed photography . . . whether in college shooting mostly spots, or working at the paper and covering breaking news or features for my articles. More of that in 2016 . . .

4. Travel with a camera and make sure to always think of photo ops, no matter where I’m going or what I’m doing. Take more photos and work to take better photos.

My garden has become a real pleasure for me. All on my newly expanded deck in a variety of containers and planting tables, my little garden explodes with bright colors at the end of the summer as tomatoes and peppers turn from green to red, yellow and orange.

5. Plant fewer varieties in 2016 and increase production of veggies I can dry, freeze and preserve. And grow a better flower containers to attract more bees and hummingbirds.

Along with that goes some more canning . . . Jam in 2016, as well as the pepper relish and pepper jelly I did this year . . . Applesauce from my trees was good and we’ll do that again.

6. Write more.

I did that this year with my blog, but I need to finish (Book One) Anika . . . Rise of a Warrior (I’ve found my emotional ups and downs and comings and goings play a major role in how much of that I’ve worked on.) . . . Time to wrap it up. 

7. Finally, I’ll always try to look for the “half full” in everything. Disengage with the negative people in your life. Negativity tears us apart over time, and I do believe that sending out positive vibes has a positive effect on other people and events. Surprise people . . . pay for someone’s meal . . . pay something forward in even a small way . . . Enjoy your life . . . Smile and laugh a lot, and love the people around you with all your heart . . .

Those are my hopes for 2016 . . .

Happy New Year . . . Raise a glass . . .

When will we start caring more about what we do and less about what other people do?

 Will we ever reach the point where we say, “She’s a dancer” instead of, “She’s a black dancer.”? “He’s a Christian, you know.” Does it matter if he’s a “gay chef” or just a chef? Why?

I’ve found that I just really don’t care.

If someone’s good at what they do, then that’s really all that matters, not whether they’re white, black, Asian, green or purple, straight, gay, undecided, Republican or Democrat. And even if someone’s not particularly good at something, some descriptors just don’t matter to me.

“She’s a great chef.”

“He’s fabulous dancer.”

What he or she does in the bedroom is really none of my business. If someone cares to share that information, fine. That’s different. We’re living in a world with an active 24-hour news cycle where wars rage, refugees flee, kids are murdered, families starve and people can’t afford their medicine . . . and yet we spend more time worrying about Kim Kardashian’s tits and ass than we do about any of that other stuff.

We are a society of voyeurs. We want to know every little juicy detail about everyone else, especially celebrities . . . Reality TV, online celebrity glamour sites, and sites tracking every celebrity move ever made . . . Who’s sleeping with whom? Why is he going out with her? Isn’t he gay? I didn’t know he was gay. Oh I love that water bottle that celebrity is using.

So we admire fake boobs and tight shorts, as well as hunky shirtless hunks, but why are we taking all of that so seriously? Why aren’t we paying less attention to the little things like celebrity and other people’s sex lives than we are? Why do we focus on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation and what some famous person is doing more than on what we are doing?

Just seems strange to me . . . at times titillating, but all consuming? It sure seems so at times.

Take a minute every day to think about how lucky you are

As I approach the 3-year anniversary of losing my leg, it’s kind of funny to think of some of the changes it has made me face. I always get a bit contemplative and reflective around the New Year.

I'll always acknowledge I was lucky . . .

Lucky a friend called a friend who called the police to check on me. 

Lucky I was prodded (that may be a gentle way of putting it) after declining the EMT request to take me to the emergency room the night before. 

Lucky it wasn't worse and that I survived the trip to the ER and the transfer to Dartmouth. 

Lucky they made me better. 

Lucky the systemic infection hadn't penetrated deeper and further into my right leg. 

Lucky to be surrounded by my friends and family.
Lucky to have two daughters who, along with a friend, bore much of the brunt of my health crash.

Lucky to have been able to come home with a prosthesis after rehab. There was a lot of thought I wouldn't make it back, but I always saw home, for better or worse, as my safe zone. 

Lucky to have been able to learn how to drive with hand controls, and lucky to have a daughter willing to test drive cars and make sure I could get in and out of them before I could drive myself. Lucky to have a friend who stuck by me through all that and remains my warrior guardian angel. 

Lucky to be here.

I think of those things and many more every time I take off my fake leg. 

The stump, or "residual limb" as it is nobly called. Remains something like an unfinished sentence . . . just dangling there with no end. No ankle and foot to complete it. Instead, the remaining bit of leg is covered with a urethane sleeve, then a carbon fiber shell that snaps into the base of the sleeve . . . stainless steel and titanium pieces fit together in a kind of a non-moving ankle continuing down and tucked into a synthetic foot. The whole thing is a mockery of a real leg, of course, but it does provide the ability to walk.

Underneath, though, is just that stump.

I remember the recovery room after my amputation. The calm hustle and bustle of the nurses checking patients at various stages of recovery. My sheet and covers sagging to the mattress where they should have been draped over my leg. It was strange to see that.

Not shocking or upsetting, just strange at that point. The die had been cast days earlier. Losing part of the leg was inevitable. The question was, "how much of the leg," and the answer was a bit unclear. I fought it a bit, opting for a couple of surgeries to try and abrade the dying foot, but it was clear that wasn't a solution.

So I'm lucky. I'm home. I have a wonderful family and fabulous friends. I am lucky to have a guardian angel here on earth who protects me . . . sometimes from myself. 

I wish everyone a very happy holiday season, a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. Take a minute each and every day to think about how lucky you are. How truly blessed you are. Never lose sight of that . . . even when things look gray and dark, rejoice in what you have.

Just think how lucky you are.

I do. Every damn day.

Consider the fruitcake (or not) in all its celebratory glory

Consider the fruit cake

People love them. People hate them. I happen to like a good fruit cake.

But year in and year out, millions of them are sold, which disproves the old joke about just one fruitcake that is passed from person to person.

(Panlasang  Pinoy Recipes Photo)

Dating back to Roman times (and some might argue that a fruit cake will last that long), it’s hard to think of another food that is as joked about and mocked.

Johnny Carson is widely credited with giving the baked good a bad rap in December 1985 when he quipped on The Tonight Show, “The worst Christmas gift is fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” (source: mental floss)

Often it’s the booze that makes the cake. It seems the holidays gives bakers the chance to create fabulously boozy baked goods, fruit cakes included . . . but also plum cakes and oh so delicious rum cakes.

When I had my store, we had a customer who make an incredible rum cake. Boozy as hell, but rich, dark and filled with raisins and nuts. She made a lot of those cakes, coming in every week or so to buy a bottle of Bacardi 151. It was an adult treat (and probably a tag, “Contains Rum. Eat responsibly” was needed). Bless her for sharing.

http://www.fruitcakesociety.org/

There’s a huge difference between those grocery store fruit cakes that are often dry and made with mediocre ingredients and a fruitcake seek out fruitcake makers like Colin Street Bakery or Trappist or abbey bakeries. Check the following links as a start . . . You’ll find delicious options here . . .

http://www.monasterygreetings.com

So while the fruitcake has been a staple of England’s Royal family during celebrations, including Diana and Charles’ wedding, it has also been used for various celbrations around the world.

Fruitcakes from Assumption Abbey, Abbey of Our Lady of Guadeloupe, Monastery of the Holy Spirit and others are in the catalogue and website.

Grab a bite if you like . . . ‘Tis the season . . .

Sometimes the barriers for the disabled are right in front of us

There’s no getting around it . . . I’m disabled.

Come February, it will be 3 years since my lower right leg was amputated after a sugar-driven infection polluted my body and it all came tumbling down. You can read previous posts about all that if you wish, so I’m not going into it here.

As far as disabilities go, I’m pretty lucky. I have a prosthesis and manage to get around moderately well, but with some limitations, though I never was the most nimble person in the world. (Don’t laugh those who know me.) Stairs suck for me, and my balance isn’t very good . . . that fake leg just doesn’t adjust to imbalance the same way a real foot and lower leg do, making constant little adjustments that keep us stable. You can’t feel exactly where the foot of the prosthesis is.

But that’s OK. It could have been worse, and my limitations are nowhere as serious as many people’s.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a weekend event and took my wheelchair with me for the first time since I lost my leg. I usually get around on crutches, and sometimes a cane. But since I wasn’t familiar with the location and didn’t know how far it was from place to place at the event, I packed the chair into the back of my Jeep, and was glad I did.

It’s often very comforting to do these new things with people who know you. The friend who met me at the event happens to be very protective and is constantly aware of not only her surroundings, but mine as well, since she’s known me for years and went through the whole amputation issue with me. I used the wheelchair chair to get around and she pushed me frequently.

When I said afterwards that I felt bad about that and maybe we shouldn’t have used the chair so much, she disagreed (rather forcefully I must add), saying she knew that in the chair I was safe getting around and less likely to stumble, get fatigued or get bumped around in crowds. Since the hotel (and event venue) had lots of carpeted rooms and hallways, a wheelchair is kind of like mucking through mud, and I was surprised at how tiring that could be . . . and how slow moving it sometimes made me. Her “cone of protection” and aid was invaluable. That's something to keep in mind if you are headed somewhere or you have a disabled friend you’re meeting somewhere.

Different people react differently to those with disabilities. Some of my views changed a bit years ago while working in New York when I managed a group of marketing communications writers at a financial firm. One of them was a paraplegic and confined to a chair. Watching him overcome obstacle after obstacle . . . stairs, steps, curbs, narrow entries and space between tables at restaurants was an eye opener. Obstacles and hurdles everywhere. I used to wonder if laws and rules on accessibility were too burdensome or overreaching. That experienced changed my mind. I stopped wondering if it was worth cutting all those curbs for easier access, and I applaud The New York Times for noting accessibility in its restaurant reviews.

Now that I need to pay better attention to entrances and such, it’s even more important to be aware of where I’m going. I may love bed and breakfast spots in old Victorian homes, but they are pretty much scratched off my list in favor of more modern . . . and accessible . . . hotels. My friends and family scout locations for me at times when they go somewhere, and if I’m invited out, I always ask if the place is accessible . . . If they’re not sure, I call the restaurant. Again, chain places are usually easy in and out, but a lot of places aren’t. For me, if there are stairs, a good handrail is important . . . For some people, good access in a rest room is key so they can maneuver a chair easily in the bathroom and into a stall.

A recent trip out to a dinner proved the point . . . I was told the restaurant was accessible, but it really wasn’t . . . I brought my cane and left the crutches at home, which (as I was warned beforehand and learned for myself when I arrived) was a bad plan since I was unfamiliar with the place. There were some 8 steps up to the hostess station after entering (the rest room was at that level), and the area where the group I was joining was gathered was down 8 steps . . . “Accessible” was that the lower dining area could be entered from a ramp and entrance at the rear of the building. So I drove around back and went in, but someone confined to a chair wouldn’t have had access to the rest rooms from that lower level.

Now I call the restaurant to be sure.

As I said, different reactions from different people. Be aware if you have some challenges getting around that not everyone pays attention to those around them. You may get jostled or bumped, or people may not see you as readily if you’re in a wheelchair below their normal line of sight. Not all doors are easy to open, and sometimes people will try to scoot through before you or won’t think to hold it open so you can get through. I often wear shorts so people can see I have a prosthesis (and long pants sometimes get hung up around the leg base of my fake leg). Staff in most places is very helpful, but make sure you’re aware of little things like wet floors when you’re maneuvering round (wet floors and crutches don’t mix very well). Also note the space between tables and down rows of tables because it can be too narrow for a wheelchair, so make a note for a friend if you need to.

I’ll admit the weekend excursion was way out of my comfort zone . . . I haven’t stayed overnight anywhere but home since I lost my leg nearly 3 years ago . . . but it turned out very well, both at the hotel and the event itself. Modern facilities are designed to accommodate people facing physical challenges . . . call the hotel to double-check on where to enter and where handicapped parking is located (at this hotel, there was no parking in front, but plenty of parking in back, where two double doors had push automatic openers. The front doors, though plenty wide, did not have the openers).

My friends and family know my limitations and my concerns. If you’re heading somewhere new, don’t be afraid to ask questions before you get there to make sure you can get in and out and enjoy your visit comfortably. If you’re worried about something, tell your companions or the staff. Don’t just tough it out. Likewise, if you need help, ask . . . most people are more than willing to help you out. Finally, if you find there are issues with accessibility (for instance a step up to a dining area that doesn’t have a handrail) mention that to the manager . . . nicely.

A step here and there is no problem for most people, but could be a major barrier for someone in a wheelchair or with other mobility issues.

The politics of fear: We need better than these cowards

(Part 2 of 2)

So let’s take a minute and hit the pause button on all this talk for a minute and look at some facts and not over-simplified political rhetoric.

First, we know based on information we have and the information on refugees already well settled in the U.S. that refugees have been a virtual non-risk here. We also know, at least through the Paris attacks, that no Syrians were involved (though the nationalities of several suspects and 2 killed in police raids is not yet known). Based on that factual information, then, Syrians appear to pose little risk to us as refugees or otherwise.

Let’s take Chris Christie’s statement that he wouldn’t let “women and orphaned children” into the U.S. Why? What does that statement serve other than to fan the flames of fear and ignorance? Is some 5-year-old going to mount a terrorist attack? Ridiculous. And yet people cheer the statement.

Look, I’m afraid of plenty of stuff, but I know there aren’t monster’s under my bed.

Maybe we should stop thinking that everyone not like us is a monster under the bed. Even cops and security officials think the current “stop the refugees” talk is cheap, easy and dodges other risks.

There are approximately 1 million names on the so-called terror watch list. About 5 percent of them, or 50,000 are U.S. citizens or permanent residents. The “no fly list” (a U.S. only list that is designed to prevent those people from getting on a commercial plane) contains about 45,000 names (though that number has been questioned). Both lists have been widely criticized as generating false positives, listing people who pose no security list, and some who are children. So while it’s apparent we need to pay better attention to and tighten screening of suspects, the lists provide what may be a worthwhile risk assessment.

So why are people on these lists allowed to purchase guns here?

Why, too, are we worried about possibly 10,000 refugees when every year we let tens of millions from 38 countries into the U.S. without visas. Under the waiver program, those people can stay for up to 90 days.

Two of the 9/11 hijackers overstayed their visas . . . (expired visas) . . . all entered the U.S. on visas . . . Of the other 18 9/11 hijackers, 14 came to the United States on six-month tourist visas and four came on business visas, according to the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States. Once in the U.S., two of the hijack pilots applied to have their immigration status changed to vocational student, but neither used such a visa on their subsequent re-entry into the country.

So while student visas may also be an issue, they weren’t, despite rumors and threads to the contrary, an issue on 9/11.

While many of the security measures that failed on 9/11 have been changed in the ensuing years, it’s clear that the visa waiver program could be tightened and the terrorist watch and no fly lists can be better used to limit weapons (or materials) purchases.

Congress can and should tighten those loopholes immediately.

It’s easy to say, “Let’s stop the Muslims,” especially if one is not a Muslim, but apparently it’s more difficult to look at what events have actually (factually) happened here. By far the most attacks have been perpetuated by white males with guns, shooting up schools, malls, political gatherings, churches, and movie theaters.

Not to go all Facebook on clever little sayings, but should we ban white makes from movie theaters or malls? Why not? If they are responsible for the dozens of multiple public deaths and shootings over the past 10 years . . . According to the FBI, there have been 146 mass shootings in the past 7 years (in which more than 4 people died). Without getting into a gun debate, you’re more likely to be killed by7 a neighbor with a gun than a terrorist refugee.

And what’s with the “I’d rather take care of 50,000 vets before I take in 1 refugee” . . . ? Apples and oranges. We need to take much better care of our vets, manage programs and service for vets better than we do, and jump on Congress for failing, time and time again, to do its job and properly fund programs for veterans. That has not a thing to do with refugees, but is rather a smoke screen that dodges the issue under false pretenses. Why can’t we do both?

Why are we not preventing Saudis from entering the U.S. if most of the 9/11 hijacker were Saudis?

In the end, if we look at the facts instead of listening to political rhetoric and clever little Facebook blurbs, many of these muddled anti-Muslim and anti-refugee arguments just don’t hold up to much scrutiny.

I’m hardly some whiney over-wrought bleeding heart who cares nothing about anything but hugging people from around the world in every possible Kumbaya campfire moment. The world has indeed changed and we need to keep pace. We need to constantly review all our security measures and constantly adapt them to an ever-changing world and its ever-changing threats.

But I hope we can start using our brains again when we listen to politicians, who really know less than we do and are motivated, unlike us, by the need to convince people to vote for them. Is it worth throwing our Constitution aside to monitor religious groups? Are you really saying we need to have Muhammad Ali, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and thousands of other Muslims here register as threats?

Donald Trump would have us believe that every Muslim in the world is out to get us. His hateful rhetoric does nothing but fan the flames of hate . . . both with his own supporters and those overseas and here he has put on his own hate list. Trump is a coward.

Who is next?

I’d argue the danger is in our politicians, who have lost their moral compasses in the face world events, and would throw out the Constitution, our personal freedoms and our history because they are afraid. We need better leaders than this crop of narrow-minded cowards.

The politics of fear: We are driven by fear, not leadership

(Part 1 of 2)

Fear. That’s what we have now . . . fear overtaking our common sense and our willingness to push past the first layer of convenient political rhetoric and instead try to see what’s really happening and what the facts of an issue really are. Can we not do that? Or are we so invested in what people running for office are saying that we suspend our thinking minds and instead work ourselves into a frenzy over the soundbite  . . . the soundbite designed to prey on our fears.

Our fears now center around the terrorists scattered around the world that want to blow us up or shoot us. At least we each think we will be the victims of such violence, and that such violence will be delivered by a person most of us don’t understand . . . or want to. A Muslim.

Of course, since, in our fear, we see terrorist attacks as being made by people who are Muslims, we now allow ourselves to take the step . . . fed mostly by our politicians and their supporting cast of pundits . . . to thinking that all Muslims are evil, need to be watched and monitored, maybe even registered with the government, their mosques put under surveillance and their children denied refugee status and forbidden to enter the country. (We can’t seem to remember that most of the mass shootings over the past few years were carried out by non-Muslims.)

Those are some big steps . . . and those are some of our fears that really don’t hold up even in today’s reality.

<<Some facts: There are some 2.8 million Muslims in the U.S. About 15 percent of Muslims are unaffiliated with any specific religious body . . . As to their ethnicities, 34 percent are South Asian, 26 percent Arab, 24 percent African American, and 15 percent from other areas (or ethnicities).

So even though the Census Bureau does not collect data on people by religious affiliation, data from a variety of groups seems to show that Muslims represent less than 1 percent of the U.S. population.

Muslims have been here a long time. Some 15 percent of the slaves brought to the U.S. were Muslims, or, estimates show, perhaps 300,000 people (by 1800) (Census Bureau, Guardian/Wiki)>>

Here’s today’s soundbite: Keep Syrian refugees out of the U.S. because some of them may be terrorists.

Perhaps it’s important to note that not a single “terrorist” attack in the U.S. involved Syrians.

<< More facts: Each candidate is vetted first by the UN’s refugee agency, and then separately by officials from the State Department, the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security and the Defense Department. The process takes between 18 months and two years. (Guardian)

Since 2012, the US has accepted 2174 Syrian refugees – roughly 0.0007% of America’s total population.

The refugees the US takes in are among the most vulnerable in the Syrian conflict: many are women and their children, while others are religious minorities and victims of violence or torture. (Guardian)

Of the 785,000 refugees taken in by the U.S. since Sept. 2001, 3 have been arrested for terrorist activities. (Source: State Department, Migration Policy Institute) >>

As we noted above, no Syrians were engaged in the 9/11 attacks . . . 19 men hijacked 4 planes . . .American Airlines Flight 11 5 Saudis and 1 Egyptian . . . United Flight 175 . . . 3 Saudis and 2 United Arab Emirates . . . American Airlines Flight 77 . . . 5 Saudis . . . United Airlines Flight 93 . . . 3 Saudis, 1 Lebanese

So . . . 15 from Saudi Arabia, 2 from the United Arab Emirates, 1 from Lebanon and 1 from Egypt.

Again, none from Syria.

Clearly the attacks in Paris were horrible and brutal.

According to five U.S. officials, at least four of the Paris attackers were in an American intelligence counter-terrorism database, Reuters reported, and at least one of them was on the U.S. No Fly List.

Four of the 5 terrorists directly responsible for killing 129 and wounding more than 350 were French nationals, and the fifth was a Belgian. Some identities of others killed in police raids and those currently being hunted in connection with the attacks or on suspicion of terrorist activities are unknown, as are their nationalities.

Remember, too, that the Boston Marathon bombers were two Chechen brothers, the younger brother was a naturalized U.S. citizen and the elder brother was here legally on a green card and had applied for citizenship . . . Both are said to have self-radicalized and were not affiliated directly with any group.

Not Syrians or refugees.

The murders in California further riled the politicians, who fell back in their anti-Muslim rhetoric, especially Donald Trump, who called for a ban on all Muslims entering the country. Nevermind the Constitution, the national and international legal systems. No good can out of that. 

Fear will backfire on us.

Bitch all you want to, the NRA is doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing

Bitch and moan all you want, the National Rifle Association is doing exactly the job it is supposed to do. Whine, complain, scream and shout if you want, but the NRA has prospered because it was allowed to prosper.

I am not a member of the National Rifle Association.

I grew up around guns. My family and friends had guns. I’ve owned guns. I hunted birds and small game and enjoyed target shooting as well. Dad used to take me to the local dump in Vermont and we plinked cans with a .22 rifle. I had marksman classes at camp. (And, yes, I was a damn good shot.)

I have no interest in taking your guns, and I think that while the 2nd Amendment is misinterpreted and wrongly flaunted in nearly every debate or discussion about guns, that really isn’t the issue right now. At least read the darn thing and put it in its proper historical place before you start screaming that people are violating your “right” to own a gun.

Maybe that’s one of the issues, though. When did owning a gun become a right while other things, like driving, owning a credit card, attending local colleges, or even buying a house remain a “privilege” in today’s world? Sure you can get into a bar if you’re over 21, but you’ll need ID. That may mean getting a driving license . . . a written test, photo, and driving test. You pass you get your license. That a lot tougher than buying a gun in many places.

Each state has its own gun laws, and some cities and towns have laws on top of the state laws. Currently, 10 states have mandatory waiting periods before a buyer can take possession of a handgun . . . with some states allowing the gun to be picked up after a period of time even if a background check hasn’t cleared. Others mandate that a buyer has to wait a certain amount of time (usually 2-3 days) even if the background check comes back clean before that.

Final note to the media: Can you please learn a bit about guns . . . “automatic” vs. “semi-automatic” to start, “military assault weapons” (they aren’t . . . they are semi-automatic military “style” weapons . . . and so on). You sound stupid when you make basic factual errors.

A couple of simple (though nothing is “simple” when politics is involved) ideas:

First, let’s not allow people on the terrorist watch list to buy guns. Yes, some politicians argue against this idea because there may be people on the list who shouldn’t be. Fine, establish an appeals process. Otherwise, too bad.

Second, submit every gun sale in the country to a background check. Every one. So there’s no loophole for sales at gun shows or online or any states.

Third, we must have a deep and wide database for background checks, including mental health input (professionals should be able to “flag” potential problem individuals easily), and a system that links local, state and federal systems.

Fourth, broaden the application of the “Domestic Violence Offender Gun Ban” (which bans those convicted of a physical domestic violence charge) to include a ban on those convicted of stalking, harassment and threatening. If owning a gun is a "privilege," then you lose that privilege if you're convicted of threatening someone. Period.

Fifth, mandate gun safety certification for every gun buyer. The certificate would be good for 5 years, then the owner would have to go through another safety class. (I also feel hand-on gun safety classes are more important that classroom teachings, and would urge that, but I'm not sure how it could be established and managed.)

 Six, we need to keep weapons safe when not in use. Mandate trigger locks or gun safes to prevent easy access, especially by children, as well as gun theft. According to the FBI, nearly 3,000 deaths (or about 10 percent of yearly gun deaths) are caused by all forms of accidental shootings yearly. The highest numbers of deaths by guns are suicides (64 percent), with murders of all types about 25 percent. (Other categories fill in the remaining percentages.) (FBI/CDC/Time Magazine)

Six ideas that don’t really restrict access to guns, but does make them a bit more work to buy. There are dozens of others, like restricting certain types of weapons and the capacity of ammunition magazines. The effectiveness of many of those is questionable, though I think every avenue should be explored.

On the subject, note that few gun murders are committed with rifles of any type, including assault rifles. Statistics indicate of the some 9,000 yearly murders, just over 300 are are committed with rifles (2012). Six times more murders are committed with knives, and more than twice as many were caused by physical beatings, and more people were killed with shotguns than rifles. Some 4 percent of those killed by rifles are killed with “assault rifles,” an incredibly small number in terms of total murders. The recent shooting in California highlighted the weapons, but we need to know the issue beyond the headlines and political speeches. (FBI/CDC)

By far, most gun murders are committed with handguns.

Gun advocates argue that with more guns, more bad guys would be stopped before they committed really bad shootings. The evidence, though, doesn’t bear that out, no matter how viscerally good it might sound. More guns means more shootings and therefore accidents, deaths and injuries.

In 2012, for example, there were 259 gun-related justifiable homicides. There were about 67,000 incidents reported where guns may have stopped a crime of one sort or another, including burglaries. (The NRA claims 2.5 million crimes are stopped, but the FBI and law enforcement numbers don’t show that.) As a side note, more than 240,000 guns are stolen every year, with about 180,000 taken in burglaries. (FBI)

Let's not forget that 85,000 people are injured by guns every year, and more than 500 are killed in accidental discharge accidents. (Wiki/FBI)

The problem is that guns are dangerous, so when they discharge, very bad things can happen.

Many gun owners say owning a gun makes them feel safer. That may well be true, of course, but the evidence shows that they are unlikely to be a good guy stopping a bad guy and much more likely to be the victim of a gun-related accident themselves.

Let’s be clear . . . Many of these mass shootings (where 4 or more people are shot) are different from one another, as are the ways guns used were acquired. We can’t stop them all because we can’t stop every crazy person in the U.S. from doing something crazy, or some not-so-crazy person deciding he or she wants to shoot a bunch of people. Often all these shooters are completely unknown to any law enforcement agencies.

 Nothing fits in a nice neat box, though both gun advocates and anti-gun advocates would have us believe otherwise. What we can do is restrict a few sales, tighten a few loopholes and make sure the laws we have and new ones we create are well crafted and enforced.

That would be something, instead of nothing. 

Breakfast . . . It's what's for dinner . . . (or any other time)

We all know breakfast is the best meal of the day, right? So what the heck has taken so long for the fast-food and casual fast-food industry to catch on?

McDonald’s is finally offering all-day breakfast, so you can grab your Egg McMuffin any time you want. Perfect. (If you like fast food anyway.)

I enjoy breakfast any time of the day or night . . . That was one of the great things about living in New Jersey, with its 8 million diners every mile. A diner has a 48-page menu, and 90 percent of the people there are ordering eggs . . . Eggs over easy. Scrambled. Omelets. All with home fries or hash browns and bacon or sausage, a pot of coffee and a large orange juice.

Steak and eggs with home fries and horseradish

When I first started working in lower Manhattan, a work buddy and I would meet at a “diner” just up from work for breakfast. (I put “diner” in quotes, since I usually think of diners as those stand-alone, chrome-wrapped buildings, not the short-order places tucked in amongst the high-rise office buildings.) Those short-order restaurant, though, have many of the same great offerings . . . hot food served fast (Ever listen to the orders going into the kitchen?) . . . a huge menu, and waitresses who call everyone “honey,” “baby,” “dear,” or “sweetie.” I love them . . . Some of my friends hate being called “honey.”

So long as my eggs are over easy, I’m pretty happy.

I used to order eggs over easy with home fries and either bacon or sausage with a large pineapple juice at that restaurant up from 26 Broadway. My buddy usually ordered an omelet with sausage and a large orange juice. He liked pancakes, too. And keep the coffee coming.

I’ve calmed down a bit, and usually enjoy oatmeal or just eggs now over easy, poached or scrambled and every n0w and then soft boiled). Maybe a yogurt. Moderation can be a difficult thing. I’ll admit to adding some onion- and pepper-heavy home fries every once in a while. Low-sodium V8 Juice has replaced orange juice and pineapple juice.

I love eggs.

Fried egg with capers,
roasted tomatoes and steelhead..

They seem to be a single guy’s staple. Probably because they’re cheap and easy, though cooking them right can be a challenge for some. It’s the omelet that can be tough . . . the right fillings, and just cooked, not dry and too browned. There’s a reason one of the tests for would-be chefs is making an omelet.

Brunch is a bit of a different matter, a bit dressier than breakfast, with, hopefully some champagne or a mimosa and spruced up egg dishes . . .

When I try something new for “before lunch” fare, it still usually involves eggs of one sort or another . . . maybe baked eggs with baked zucchini, or an egg on top of steelhead and roasted tomatoes, poached eggs with roasted asparagus or other more grown up additions.

Baked eggs with zucchini and marinara.

So it’s nice to see McDonald’s and the others catching up to what the rest of us have known for a very long time . . . that breakfast is the best meal, day or night.

Morality is based on what we do, not necessarily our religious beliefs

We are not moral because of what we say we believe. We are moral because of what we do.

We seem to have lost our way a bit in this political season. Or perhaps we lost our way a while ago and it’s just bubbling through the muck and up to the surface now. Often I think we make things much more complicated than they are, and while certainly life has shades of grey weaving in and out, is there not a path we each are on? Is not that path filled with  little traps that tempt our moral compass, but that we can easily step around if we’re clear about ourselves and our beliefs.

No religious beliefs, necessarily. Just beliefs.

It’s a mistake to believe we are moral because we are Christians . . . or Hindus . . . or Buddhists . . . or Jews . . . or Muslims . . . or atheists . . . or whatever. Our religion does not make us moral. Our lack of religion does not make us immoral.

In today’s world (as well as throughout history), people stand up and tell us they are better . . . more moral . . . because they believe in God (or other deity). Of course, even within each religion, believers in one branch of that religion believe they are superior to other branches of the same religion, and vastly superior to those outside their broad religious “house,” if you will. Baptists think they are better than Presbyterians, Catholics think they are better than Methodists, etc. Simplified, perhaps, but why wouldn’t they think that? After all, we’re fortunate in this country to be able to choose our religion, and it’s not much of a stretch to think people always believe they’ve made the right choice.

The belief that, as a group, Christians, say, are more moral than others is, even on the face of it, silly. 

There are good and bad, moral and immoral Christians. And yet, we hear every day that “As a Christian . . . I believe . . .” whatever. OK. Fair enough. But that doesn’t make you right, of course.

Is it moral to say abortion is wrong but executing people is not? Is it moral to believe we should help the poor and needy as best we can and yet scream about helping refugees? (I might argue if the refugees were Christians, there would be no screaming . . . but since many of them are Muslims, the screaming grows louder. “My religion is better than their religion.”) Is it moral to not try with all our might to improve the care we give wounded vets we sent to war? Is it moral to let children in this great nation go hungry because we don’t spend the money on better food programs?

Indeed the world is a different place than it was 50 years ago, but we’ve grown more intolerant, or at least more vocal about our intolerance. Funny, because at the same time we’re often embracing the “nanny state” as we rail against bad language, inadvertent slights, the dangers of school playgrounds and recess, and the political correctness winding its way through universities, business and politics. That can be intolerance of another sort. Some good . . . some bad.

Now we’re at the point where we listen to politicians boldly tell untruths . . . OK, lie . . . and yet we don’t flinch of demand correction. Why? Politicians have never, as a group, had much of a moral compass . . . Many of today’s politicians appear not to have any moral compass. I’m not talking about political spin based on our political leaning, but the bold and boisterous setting aside of our country’s fundamental beliefs and historical road map for political expediency. Not just those at the fringes of political parties, but mainstream candidates.

So let’s stop saying, it’s moral because of our religious beliefs. Let’s just say it’s moral or it’s not. Let’s not confuse our political leanings . . . or the leanings of others as anything more than disagreements, not world-ending, God vs. Satan battles. Let’s remember that our country is filled with millions of people with vastly different beliefs. Let’s not be afraid to be humble and admit when we’re wrong. That’s what makes us better, not screaming louder, hating more and raising ourselves up by pushing others down. We can be tough, but also moral.

Carly Fiorina lies about an ant-abortion video . . . Donald Trump lies about “thousands and thousands” of people in New Jersey cheering the collapse of the World Trade Center buildings . . . Ted Cruz attends a “kill the gays” rally and busts a gut over marriage equality as being immoral . . .

Examples are simple.

Is it moral to hate other people because of their beliefs or their lifestyle?

No. And those who preach that and those sell that to cheering crowds willing to throw their moral compasses into the flames aren’t worthy of our endorsement. We are all better than that.

We need leaders . . . Not ignorant fear mongers

Hate speech.

It comes in many forms.

You can frame it any way you want, but in the end the governors who have said they wouldn't take any Syrian refugees are making hate speeches. Hate speeches that not only target Syrians refugees driven from their homeland by seemingly never-ending war. But the words also target U.S. citizens and legal immigrants (or their families) who happen to be originally from that region. Any violence against these people here should be laid directly upon these politicians.

Acts of such violence are rare compared to the population, but they set a tone that spreads far and wide. Today’s 24-hour news cycle spreads news farther and wider than ever before, with cable outlets, internet sites, blogs and regular TV and print media latching on to any story with national implications.

Vandals burning a mosque has national implications.

The same national implications of a suspected terrorist being arrested.

Donald Trump upped the hate speech bar the other day when he said all Muslims in this country need to be registered and tracked by the federal government . Ignoring the lessons of history, Trump apparently feels such tracking is needed to protect us . . . and by that I guess I mean non-Muslims . . . from terrorists. Presumably Mr. Trump’s would-be terrorists are all Muslims (another convenient editing of history). He fans the hate flames by making wild and inaccurate statements  . . . like “he knows” Obama wants to let 200,000 refugees into America . . . or, he saw “thousands upon thousands” of people in New Jersey cheering the collapse of the World Trade Center buildings.

Both comments are untrue . . . but they fan the fear that makes Trump appealing to some. 

We need to turn down the volume on such talk. Not only does it encourage violence from those who believe all Muslims are evil and they need to be punished and their mosques vandalized, but to even think about such a registration process would violate every inch of our Constitution and the fabric upon which this country was founded.

It may sound good to some people, but those people are reacting to fear, not common sense or logic. And Mr. Trump and those like him are pandering to those fears and that ignorance with their hateful words.

We need leaders, not fear mongers ignorant of the lessons past.

Thanksgiving . . . Embrace the day and all it brings us

Happy Thanksgiving.

As you sit down to your glorious Thanksgiving meal and give thanks for all you have, take the time to think about a few things.

Take the time to relax, look around you and truly absorb all you have. Not just the “stuff,” your nice home, cars and clothes, but your family and friends, each and every one of them. They are the gold in your life. We sometimes forget how lucky we are to have people around us that care about us, love us, take care of us and protect us, never asking for a thing . . . never having some hidden agenda. People we trust and love. People who maybe have saved us in one way or another. People who always seem to be there when we need them.

Take the time, too, to remember that not everyone is as fortunate as we are. Maybe they don’t have family with whom to share a Thanksgiving meal. Or maybe they don't have the money to buy the food for a Thanksgiving meal. It’s easy to overlook the fact that there are people who go hungry in this great nation, but there are. Tens of millions of them. Maybe make a contribution to a local charity in a family member’s name, or donate some food to a local food bank, or spend a little time this weekend volunteering at a soup kitchen. It doesn’t take much to make a difference.

Take the time, too, to remember those no longer with us. It’s a tough time of year for those who have lost family or friends. During the holidays, all those feelings of loss can be overwhelming, and the seat at the table that's now empty. We need to heal . . . that wound of loss slowly getting better over time, but there will always be a scar there, a place where we remember always.

Enjoy the day and all it brings to us.

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Talk can be cheap, but not talking can be a disaster

Sometimes people say "talk is cheap." Indeed it is, but we all know that and yet sometimes decline to believe it when it's our talk. We view talk as something of a delaying tactic, or a way to avoid confronting a real issue, or we view talk as easier. Other times we just don’t talk, leading sometimes to a festering of issues that remain unresolved and even creating new ones.

Talking can be a way of putting off decisions that might involve confrontational action of some kind, or perhaps avoid an argument. It is “cheap” energy we give out, but good energy. I had a boss that was fabulously non-confrontational and never created a situation where she had to come face-to-face with a personnel issue or a major conflict with any of her staff. A once close friend of mine never liked to hear any criticism from anyone, and took it as a personal assault, going immediately into defense mode, sometimes pouting or walking away. Others get defensive then counter attack with a short-fuse reaction to what they see as a personal assault.

Walking away is not a solution, of course. It’s another way to avoid and hide.

I’ve also had friends with whom I had sometimes brutal debates, discussions and yell-fests. The funny thing is that those were often the closest relationships I had because it was all out there. While they were generally not intimate relationships, they were strong connections, going back to my late teens. We’d sometimes argue ferociously  . . . then when it was over go out a grab a drink or dinner together. Kind of funny. Back then maybe we didn’t take so much so personally, so the tender areas were tougher. Maybe we just figured our friendships were stronger than even the biggest differences. 

They usually were.

I also think face-to-face conversation is worth many times a “messaging” chat or email back-and-forths. And forget those when you’re tired. Words get misread and tone becomes different . . . Short words become normal and edgier than they were intended. Forget it. Another thought? Don’t engage in any serious discussions after 10 p.m.  . . . That would go double now for any messaging in my book. Bad messaging can lead to unintended disaster.

I think we’ve lost the art of conversation to a large degree nowadays. Perhaps in part because we think we’re so well connected with our computers and smartphones. But we aren’t. We need to talk to our partners, friends and family more. In those cases, talk can be anything but cheap. Don't let feelings fester . . .

What better time to start than around holiday time, when we gather with family and friends?

The worst conversations, of course, are those that never take place. And never will. In the end, we have to decide that our actions, and the actions of others, are what are important to all of us. We always have a choice . . . sit back and do nothing . . . or step out of our comfort zone and decide that those people we care for are worth the effort, and maybe the discomfort, we have when we want to avoid, put off, delay and try to ignore decisions but instead are bold and choose to engage. Sometimes we just need to pick up the phone and say, "Hi." We aren't here forever, don't just put it off for another time. The last thing you want is to think, "Gee, I wish I'd just said something."

Time could be short. Make it all count.

Tag, we think your religion sucks so you have to register with the government . . . And other hateful, dumb ideas

The government this morning has ordered a stop to all immigration into the United States by Catholics. 

Citing “continued Catholic-Protestant violence in Ireland and England” as well as ongoing disclosure of attacks on young children by Church officials, DRK Security Chief Howard Johnson also told reporters at a press conference at the Washington Immigration Center in Washington D.C that the House was also expected to vote today on a program to require all Baptists in the U.S. to register with the federal government, providing information on their places of worship, family members and jobs.

“We know that two recent shooting, as well as the Oklahoma bombing were initiated by people claiming to be Baptists, so we feel it’s important to build this registration to better monitor the flow of Baptists throughout the U.S. and abroad. Homeland Security personnel will be fanning out across the U.S. to register members of churches, and we will be setting up registration centers at all airports and bus and train stations in areas heavily populated by Baptists,” he added.

According to GOP candidate Donald Trump’s spokesperson Donna Wannabe, Homeland Security is also investigating a similar registration program for Presbyterians.

“It may be,” she said, “That the registration of Presbyterians is the biggest piece of this increased security program. Those Presbyterians have infiltrated nearly all walks of life in Americaa, are a low-profile group and could be the biggest threat to our security.”

OK. OK. Ridiculous. But that’s the slippery slope we are finding ourselves on right now. Should we make sure any immigrants/refugees go through a careful vetting before they can stay here? Of course. Are they? Of course . . . a process that can take around 2 years. Should we constanly work to make it better? Of course.

So while the overall “risk” of allowing Syrians into the U.S. is fabulously small, we’ve let the entire discussion spin out of control to the point where we are talking about registering people based on their religions. Think about that for a minute. Then try to think about it if you were the one being told you had to register. Not because you’re a bad person . . . you may be the head of a major corporation or government agency or any may hold any number of other honest or high-profile positions in the business or social world . . . but now you have to register because . . . solely because . . . of your religion.

Where the hell is the outrage with that?

Why are not church officials from every religion in the world standing up and screaming about what a horrible idea this is? Why are not pro-gun groups, which pretty much hate anything having to do with registering anything, standing up and screaming about the Constitution and what a horrible idea this is?

This is where we find ourselves now. Let me note it again. We are entertaining the idea of registering people not because of any bad behavior or known risk, but based solely on their faith. Now, folks, it may or may not be a faith with which you happen to agree, but does that matter? Why aren’t we talking about registering Scientologists? Or Hindus and Buddhists (two religions continually immersed in violent conflict in India and the Far East)? Or Palestinians of all ilk since they seem to like to blow things up?

Stop it. Just stop it.

Stop feeding your visceral mind and start feeding the mind that actually can design and implement programs that actually work and don’t include government guys showing up at your church to take your name and address. Yes, your church. Think outside your comfy little box.

As a friend pointed out, this is not the 1800s and perhaps we shouldn’t be so embracing of the huddled masses are we were then (though history shows us we weren’t all that embracing of everyone). He’s right . . . this is a much different, more dangerous world. A world in which people can travel here and there easly and inexpensively.

But these arguments are simplistic and short-sighted.

The much greater risk is from those already here. They are the shooters and the bombers we’ve seen in the past here . . . the people that shoot up a mall, blow up a women’s clinic or kill dozens of people in a school. The risk is from within, whoever those people may be.

Let’s maybe start a reasonable dialogue so I can get the image of Jews getting dragged from their homes . . .

ISIS and other groups are a danger to us. But are refugees? Hardly. Politicians are cowards and afraid to risk going against any tide they feel well lose them their cushy jobs. Like many things, I believe I could grad 12 friends take over a conference room for a couple of hours and come up with a plan . . . a plan that keeps our doors open to those refugees who pass through our vetting process (which is come 1 percent of those who start the process) while culling those of higher risk . . . like travelers to those “dangerous” regions, like the Middle East (like Syria and Iraq) or Africa (like Nigeria).

Reasonable?

Think about this . . . we want to tag all Muslims in the U.S., citizens or not, and we’re arguing over allowing perhaps 10,000 Syrian refugees into the U.S. when, at the same time, we let some 70 foreign visitors into the U.S. every year.

70 million.

We currently have the best screening system of any country in the free world. Let’s not muddle the arguments on these issues with the extremism spouted by some politicians. If we have an issue, then let’s fix it. Calling refugees “rabid dogs” or registering people based on their religion (funny how the war on Muslims is OK, but God forbid we should demand all people be served in a restaurant or bakery) is racist and hateful.

Without getting all soft and fluffy, we are better than that. But if you see a growing number of brown shirts popping up around you, you might want to take a measure of yourself and your beliefs.

The attacks in Paris raise the fear factor around the world

Terrorism: the use of violent acts to frighten the people in an area as a way of trying to achieve a political goal (Merriam-Webster)

Terrorism is also a low-cost way groups like ISIS can attack so-called “soft targets” like restaurants, concerts and sports stadiums where civilians cluster in often large groups with little or no security. One wonders if, even with increased security at some such venues, attacks by well trained and devoted attackers can be stopped. How can all such places be protected?

So more often than not, it’s the “chatter” between groups or individuals that attract the attention of anti-terrorist organizations, including loco police forces.

Unfortunately, as seen by the coordinated attacks in Paris, “chatter” can be non-existent, leaving anti-terrorist organizations literally in the dark about potential attacks. Now they need, therefore, to try and track weapons shipments (which means smuggling), local suspects and suspect groups and travel data. It seems to me much of this may be trackable, but much of it, too, seems like trying to grasp fog with your hand.

Patterns change, “networks” have isolated cells that don’t communicate with other cells, electronic data becomes sparse and suddenly the once obvious tracking disappears.

The simple truth is that even large terrorism attacks, like in Paris, may kill relatively few people in the grand scheme of things, but the attacks at regular, open venues raise the fear factor throughout the region. Suddenly maybe you don’t want a window seat at a restaurant, or you nervously check for back exits out of a movie theater or market, or you decide not to go to a bar frequented by ex-pats or your army buddies for fear it’s a target.

Terrorism is not new, but its effect may be more widespread in today globally connected world.

Day in and day out routines start to take safety into account. That’s something we take for granted here, but it’s something in the minds of every Paris resident and visitor now . . . and on the minds of those in Israel or Egypt or Kenya. We are lucky.

I’ll assume we only know a fraction of the efforts to fight these types of attacks, but in today’s world, the difficulty lies not only in identifying potential attackers and stopping them before they start killing people, but also a measured public response to such attacks.

Unfortunately, that response probably doesn’t have much impact many of the would-be terrorists. If the Paris attackers were “home grown” group, then does it really help to bomb ISIS targets in Syria. While the French have promised to intensify the bombing in Syria and throughout the region, one must wonder about those other home grown cells we know nothing about. The bombing certainly can eliminate ISIS (or Al-Qaeda) leaders and disrupt the chain of command, but can an air campaign stop the training, planning and actions of a determined group in Europe or elsewhere?

A friend of mine noted that these types of attacks are “scalable” like a war or standard military battle, with continual fighting, increased troop and supplies, bigger and bigger troop movements and escalating amounts of equipment and resources.

All very true. But the problem we face is a well-funded group of people focused on a wide variety of targets throughout the world. They are not restricted to a small region or a limited list of potential targets. They are not restricting themselves to military targets like some groups have in the past. Instead, they oppose all that is the West, so regular people gathered in regular people places are their fair game.

These attackers also hide among us. They don’t necessarily have to sneak into a target area. They may already be there. They could be the people you pass in the street every day.

So the nets are cast widely . . . over anyone we see as different, or “foreign,” or any number of other traits we think might be to blame for bringing terror to our doors. We’ll blame immigrants, poor people, people who don’t worship as we do, and anyone who we feel doesn’t embrace the Western way of life.

We have no real idea of how the professionals hunt for would-be bombers, but we sure know how politicians feel. They throw out their best guesses as to who they see as evil people. But let’s remember they are politicians, who often look to place blame simply and without much insight. And we listen. But beware the simple answers or the simple solutions. Some of the people who will try to kill us are, as we said, here already next to us. It can be hard to accept that, but a group of middle class people who might gather for a cocktail party are instead gathering to discuss potential targets. Maybe they didn’t travel to Syria or northern Africa. Maybe they never left Queens, or Montreal, or Paris. Maybe they trained on the weekends when we thought they we just a bunch of guys going camping. Or maybe they’re a bunch of women.

Like trying to grab fog with your hand. This weekend the people of Paris are shocked by the viciousness of the attacks and mourn to loss of those killed, put forth a brave “we are not afraid” face, and hope their skilled terrorist hunters can find the next shooters, bombers, planners and supporters before another attack. Around the world, security is increased in a show of determination, but the fact remains that while attacks may be stopped and plots thwarted, somewhere, sometime there will be more attacks and more people will die.

It’s not a war “over there,” but a different war waged anywhere in the world by warped people who think killing diners or concertgoers furthers their cause . . . A cause of intolerance, hate and violence. That’s scary. It may not be scalable as we’ve thought of battles in the past, but it is spreading. It spread here with the Boston bombing, and it will spread here again. If we’re lucky, the continued pounding from the air in Syria and other places, combined with the ground war there, and the terrorist hunters will neuter ISIS and other groups to the point of eliminating their foreign attacks, but we also know that those so-called home grown attackers can pop up anywhere and anytime.

So today we mourn with the people of Paris. Tomorrow we may mourn with other people in other places.

That is the mad, mad world in which we live today. 

Got some pet peeves? How about a few of those annoying Facebook things?

We all have pet peeves of one sort or another. 

Yes, I have a few . . . don’t put things in the refrigerator that are still in their packaging (like 6-packs of beer or plastic-wrapped energy drinks), relax about telling people what they “should” do, please don’t preach to me about anything . . . I cringe when I see tomatoes, onions or potatoes in someone’s fridge . . . It bugs me when people sing loudly to a song playing on the radio or in a bar (they’re usually off key and not as good as the artists to whom they are listening, of course) . . . Just remember to tip well and smile lots.

Yeah, don’t be mopey and don’t screw the server.

But one of the most continually annoying pet peeve areas, if you will, in people’s lives swirls in and around Facebook. In part, no doubt because Facebook is so much a part of people’s lives. We chat, connect, bitch and moan, complain, share our trips, meals and friendships on Facebook. I like Facebook, but some of the things there are annoying.

Let’s consider the dangling, unexplained post . . .

“Feeling crappy today” . . . “Can’t believe life sometimes” . . . “Depressed and angry” . . . “How can people be so bad?” . . . “Life is just terrible.”

And that’s it . . . no follow ups or explanations about what’s going on to. You thought it important enough to post the statement, why do that and not tell is why life sucks, or why you’re depressed, angry or feeling crappy?

We want to know, and you threw out the bait . . .

“Can little Johnny who lost his cat get 1 million shares? Share his photo if you care.”

You’re saying if I’m a good person I’ll share the photo and the story and a horrible person if I don’t. Really? I do care that little Johnny lost his cat, or has cancer, or a vet gets fewer “shares” than a bikini-clad female sunbather, but if I don’t want to share the 10 million of those posts that I see every day then I won’t.

Get over it. I’m not Satan.

What about those little sayings and inspirations we see every time we sign on? There seem to be about 20 million of them . . . and I “like” and “share” them frequently. And my Facebook friends share them all the time. I like them.

One of the problems, of course comes back to that “what do you mean” thing. We share one and suddenly all our friends are wondering if we’re getting married, or dumped our partners or are about to die.

Since I’m not getting married and have already tried the nearly dying thing as well, I’m usually in the clear, but I sometimes have a habit of sharing them because I think they’re worthy (though rather one dimensional) . . . before I really think about all the ramifications of sharing them . . . so sometimes that little “share” comes up in an email or phone call . . .

“Gee, no . . . I didn’t mean you . . .”

Oy

Of course I won’t get into the fact that many of those little sayings do reflect an oversimplified picture of something that may be going on in our lives. Oh well . . . In those cases, I’ve managed to smooth over the bumps that bumped a bit too close to home.

The continual onslaught of game offers, ads and targeted sidebar ads is also annoying . . . though I do understand the need to pay for what to us is a freebie social network. It’s just kind of creepy having an L.L. Bean ad pop up an hour after I bought a shirt.

I’ll also cop to getting peeved by people who seem to get all their news and information off Facebook, as apparently many people do. It’s Facebook, folks . . . The fact that you’re counting on it to provide you with real news and worthwhile articles is a big pet peeve of mine. Not as big a pet peeve as watching people cook a really good steak to well done, but a pet peeve nevertheless.

It’s nice connecting with people I don’t get to see much, or family across the country, or old classmates (maybe “old” is the wrong word . . . former?), but Facebook does hit my pet peeve button a few times . . .

I guess that’s not all that bad in today’s wired world . . .

Why, when it comes to talking about guns does all common sense leave the room?

There are few topics that elicit as much furor as a discussion about guns. Whether one believes people should be allowed to buy guns without restriction, or that nobody should be allowed to buy guns, there’s plenty of room for yelling, screaming and talking . . . and plenty of room in between the two ends of the argument.

And an argument it is, often with little sense or reasonable resolutions in sight.

I don’t want to take your guns, I merely think there should be a couple of reasonable steps taken to own one. I’m not interested in getting into the debate about “types” of guns here . . . We can do that another time.

But . . .

What’s the fear of having to register or wait a few days to pick up your gun?

Frankly, it wouldn’t bother me if I were buying a gun.

Why not have the same process apply at gun shows?

Again, it wouldn’t bother me if I were buying a gun. Why do I need a gun today instead of in a week?

Two points . . . There should be nationwide limits on who is allowed to purchase a firearm, and that should include restrictions on those who have a documented history of mental illness, those who have convictions for assault or domestic violence, and those convicted of stalking or similar threatening behavior. Simple.

Second . . . There should be a mandatory waiting period so those background checks can be run. We’ll also assume there’s a national data base connecting all law enforcement agencies so there are no gaps between local, state and federal checks.

I’ll also argue that any owner whose gun causes the accidental death of a child should lose the right to own guns. (You can add the accidental death of an adult if you'd like.) And finally, would it not be sensible to mandate that guns be safely locked either in a safe or with a trigger lock? Statistics show just doing that might save several hundred lives a year. The fundamental “problem” with guns is that if there’s an accident, it can be deadly . . . unlike an accident with your food processor, coffee maker or fax machine.

Some people freak at the words “restrictions” or “mandatory” or “regulations” when it comes to guns, but we routinely deal with those things when we register our cars, buy a bottle of wine, write a check, apply for a job or credit card, or vote, as examples. I don’t see a thing wrong with putting gun-buying onto the same field as most other things we do.

There are no “hurdles” seen for those things, so why if we try to apply them to someone buying a gun do they suddenly become threats to the very nature of America? Suddenly people start chirping about the Second Amendment, the government swooping in to take their guns and those silly concerned but misinformed parents.

Stop it . . . You probably haven’t even read the Second Amendment, and there’s not a thing in there about having an arsenal of semi-automatics and 10,000 rounds of ammo in your basement.

I grew up around guns. Not a basement full, but a couple for shooting skeet and trap, or grouse and pheasant or target shooting. I hunted mostly birds with friends and enjoyed plinking cans with my Dad at a dump in Vermont. I think that was during a time before everyone went crazy over “gun rights.” With the loudest fear and shouting coming from and fueled by the National Rifle Association, any past civil conversation has shifted to a very polarizing “us versus them” scream fest.

It doesn’t need to be that way. As grownups, we should be able to sit down at a table and figure out where there is common ground. No talk about assault weapons, or clip size or number of guns a person can own . . . Just a couple of reasonable rules that might save a few lives. 

We’ve stepped over the line here. Some people freak when Target or Waffle House says patrons can’t bring their guns into stores. Is that a reasonable response? My doctor’s office and the local hospital have signs by their entrances that advise, “No weapons permitted inside.” That’s fine with me. I don’t need to be sitting in a doctor’s waiting room filled with people carrying guns, and I’m guessing the staff wouldn’t be entirely comfortable with that either. We need to turn down the volume. Common sense has taken a vacation . . .

We need to walk through the process and see where we can close the gaps.

That’s a good start. 

Ups and downs . . . The end of fossil fuels, or just our usual short-term thinking?

Oil. Oil. Oil. Have we forgotten how valuable it is? Or are we merely accepting that it will never be as valuable as it once was?

Is this the end of the fossil fuel era?

Perhaps we’re at a tipping point. A point when we still use and depend on fossil fuels, but are moving ever closer to a place where we get our power from so-called clean sources, like solar and wind. It seems to me if we want to increase the use of solar and wind we need to make it ever more cost-effective for homeowners to cover their roofs with solar panels, have grey water systems, water storage and water collection systems, as well as small wind energy systems.

During the recent past hay days of oil and gas, investors boomed then busted even as the world seemed ever more on the edge of major crises in the Middle East and Ukraine and China Sea. But unlike days gone by, energy prices fell, driving virtually all speculators out of the markets and states like North Dakota, which banked heavily on its fracking surge, are left with empty real estate developments, rising unemployment (though still one of the lowest in the U.S.) and tons of busted dreams. Two other energy-heavy states, Louisiana and South Carolina also saw upticks in their unemployment over the past several months, even as most states saw their rates fall.

In the not too distant past, even a hint of global disruption would send oil prices higher and investors running to line their portfolios with gold as well. While gold prices have stayed pretty high (gold was about $350 an ounce in 2001, and is now just over $1,000 an ounce (down from a high of nearly $1,900 in 2011).

For history buffs, gold hit just over $2,000 in 1980.

Ups and downs . . .

A barrel of oil was $150 in 2008, just over $106 in 2013, under $40 earlier this summer and is about $45 a barrel now. Between the highs in 1980 of $115 and, say, 2008 and 20013, oil trended down to a low of $22 in 1998 before starting to rise gain.

Ups and downs.

Few of these things head up or down in a straight line, and today’s investors love playing short-term swings and not long-term holds.

So the energy economy doesn’t look so bright right now. Are we seeing a long-term trend, or are we a bit too focused on the now?

Clearly the game is changing with increased solar and wind use, though water shortages may turn out to be the nation’s biggest natural resource issue. But I’d be willing to bet a nickel that before my kids are close to middle age, they’ll see another major oil crisis, spiking prices and yet another push for more fuel-efficient cars, higher tax incentives for alternate energy construction and maybe even a few long lines at the gas station.

Ups and downs . . .