Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Short Shots

Well, I drive around my neighborhood and I feel kinda out of place. I don’t have any old rusty crap sitting in my front yard. Now I’ll admit I have plenty of crap laying around inside my house, but nothing really outstanding outside. No old tractors . . . no old cars . . . not even a falling down shed. I mean, I live right across from a junk yard, so you’d think I’d be able to score an old wreck and have them transplant it in my yard. Admittedly, that’d drive my parents nuts when they come to visit . . .they hate junk in all its forms. Ahh . . . what to get . . .I’ll have to ponder this . . . an antique John Deere tractor? . . . maybe a classic car? . . . Oh the mind swirls . . .

Ok kid, that $800 machined aluminum spoiler you have tacked on to your beat-up Honda Civic looks stupid. First, it’s a Civic. Second, at anywhere near high speed, that rear downforce will lift your front wheels nearly off the road (and they’re your drive wheels, bud). Third, you aren’t racing an Aston Martin DBR9 at Le Mans . . . you’re driving a Civic down Rt. 103 in Newport, N.H. A Civic.

Why is it that Dunkin Donuts can offer a coffee with a top that doesn’t leak even if you throw it across the street, while McDonald’s can’t come up with a top that doesn’t leak out of every vent and hole if you look at it hard?

Wow, this is a bad news-good news story: Beer prices are going to rise (shortage of hops), but marijuana prices are expected to fall (increase in legal supply). Nuff said.

I’m supposed to eat more salad, so I went to pick up a couple of bags of greens and found out they were recalled because they were tainted with e coli . . .so I said, let’s get a nice healthy fruit smoothie . . . but it turned out that might give me typhoid . . What the hell? In the not too distant past, all we had to worry about was bad beef from huge factory processors . .

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