You need to take the time to tell them, "I love you"

Words mean different things at different times, don't they? . . . 

For instance . . .

I love you.

Good-bye.

I have friends who never say "good-bye," thinking it's too final.
But sometimes we have to, sooner or later. We say good-bye to people we love and used to love, kids heading off to college, relationships lost . . .

But take heart . . .

I love you.
Good-bye.
See you soon.

Just remember the "I love you," because you never know if you'll see them again. Take that moment to make a call, have lunch, make time. Make time to share those moments and tell them, "I love you." 

I stood over his grave and whispered . . .

I love you.
Good-bye.

Take the time to enjoy the Fall color show . . . The closing of a chapter

Fall’s here, and the wonderful colors are coming soon. Don’t let it pass by without pausing and taking it all in. For many, it’s the most beautiful time of year.

It really is a color show here in New England when the leaves start to turn from green to yellow, orange and red. Sometimes we take these things for granted and just kind of notice them but don’t absorb them. This year, take some extra time to soak it all in.

I had a friend years ago who passed away, but she told me as she was dying to take the time every year to enjoy the daffodils . . . because we never know when we’re seeing them for the last time.

We have enough regrets in our lives . . . things we could have done better, or made better, or perhaps people and things we should have enjoyed more or with whom we should have spent more time or loved more. 

Then it’s all gone. And it’s too late to fix.

Fall, then, is the closing of a chapter and the opening of another chapter. Perhaps we should use nature's chapters as a way to close some of ours as we go along.

So the colors come and go every year. Some years are “better” than others, but every year is beautiful.

It’s a last blast of color before winter sets in, with its multiple shades of grey coloring the landscape. Snow covering those leaves you didn’t finish raking. Cold piercing your skin as you make your way to the mailbox. Piles of snow blocking the front door.

Enjoy the time. Enjoy the beauty around you and take it all in. Be happy you’re still here to enjoy it.

We are blessed to have the friends we have because they make us better

We surround ourselves with all types of people, don't we?

Some friends are warm and fuzzy, others are rather stand-offish until they warm up a bit . . . shy friends, bold friends, loud friends, even obnoxious friends . . . Some people who call themselves friends but never seem to come through when friends are needed. Fair weather friends.

My friends saved my life, so I embrace them.

But sometimes as we go through life we see that some really aren't friends at all . . .  They begin to suck the strength out of us, so instead of standing tall and strong, we begin making decisions based not on what's good for us and good for our overall core group, but all the while hoping that he or she will change, become a bit more of a giver . . .

"They can meet me half way, can't they?" Turns out some just can't. Their words are often the right words, but their actions never are. You find they try to manipulate gatherings and get-togethers and maybe even don’t want to share time with one or more of your other friends at a dinner out. “Oh I don’t like that place, why don’t we go here?” . . . or  . . . “Sarah’s coming? . . . Oh.” Always planting a negative seed of one sort or another.

After a while of hoping, discouragement sets in, we begin to lose our strength because we are spending so much time worrying about this one person that all else begins to fall by the wayside. We cling and hope, wishing for the better times that have long since passed. A time when maybe we didn't see as clearly as we do now. A time when we were stronger than we are now. We fall to a knee, blood draining from us from our wounds . . .

The battlefield seems to move in slow motion around us. We feel lost.

The words of the taker screech through our heads. We hesitate . . . but know now we've hesitated too long, and calling on our strength, we mortally wound the taker. We're damaged and sad, but we rise to our feet and feel the freeness . . .

We weave in and out of friendships. The dynamic changes. Friends move away, get married, find new lives . . . Though sometimes friends just disappear and we have no clue as to why. Oh well. Their loss. . . . Ebb and flow is a natural process.

The taker, though, seems to just hang on, tries to soothe us, the words perfect . . . But we know now the words are false, and our sword pierces the taker's heart. We feel a pain in ours, but we know it will heal and we're stronger now . . . We step away . . . and eventually the friend steps away and the distance is obvious. Sometimes we need to do what is best for us. We are, after all, surrounded by those who encourage us, make us better and share a closeness with us that nothing can take away. But then there are those who, for whatever reason, choose not to be a part of our lives any longer, who decide what they want is more important than what everyone else wants . . .

We have all had people in and out of our lives like that. Think of the hoards of friends and hangers on we had in high school and college.

We raise our blood-soaked sword to the sky as our friends rally around us . . .  They make us stronger. They protect us. They lift us up. They help us endure. And they are there with us . . . always. They love us, scars and all. We're older and wiser now, better focused on true friendships.

We'll live because we we are more loved . . .  And our friends saved us.

My gardening season comes to an end as Fall descends

The gardening season here in New Hampshire is coming to an end. No frost at my place yet, but nights have been into the low 40s, so it’s coming soon.

Picked most everything left the other day, except for a few green tomatoes and some lettuce.

It was a relatively good year for my little container garden on the deck . . . Lots of tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, green beans and radishes and some herbs. My summer squash and cucumbers didn’t do well . . . drowned early in the season in self-watering pots, along with my green onions, so next year I’ll make sure all the self-water reservoirs are taken off the pots in the Spring and won’t plant the squash so packed together. I tried to push the space of some plants, and squash is one I won’t next year. I had great squash and zucchini last year.

But the tomatoes and peppers more or less made up for the lack of squash and cucumbers. I planted too many varieties, but it was worth seeing what did well. Cherry tomatoes were like candy and the larger tomatoes I planted worked well in salads. I live alone, so ended up with a bunch of extras, so I roasted and then froze them to be turned into sauce this winter . . . or maybe added to chili.

I think some of the peppers will end up in my bread and butter pickles as well as some relish, and the rest frozen for this winter.

Ridiculous as it sounds, Republicans just don't seem to see women as equals

The fundamental problem with Republicans on women’s issues during this campaign season (and well before it, too) is that they just don’t seem to understand or respect women. Words like “cherish,” “protect,” “guide,” and “help” aren’t words of equality. They are words that often diminish, minimalize and marginalize . . . Simply put, many candidates just don’t see women as equals.

Why?

They’re dumb?

Actually, they are supposed to be a pretty bright bunch of people, but maybe their upbringing, education and adult environment tainted them somehow. Let’s be clear, I’m a "feminist," and believe very strongly that men and women are equals, should be equally paid, should be equally considered for jobs, should be permitted (without changing any qualifications) to work wherever they are able, and should be able to choose how to care for their bodies. 

And yet here we are, with politicians making derogatory remarks about women, trying to legislate how women are “handled” in the health care system and placing themselves between women and their doctors at nearly every turn. They want to kill Planned Parenthood, leaving millions of women without the screenings they need. (A patchwork of independent clinics will not fill the gap.)

That female Republican politicians seem on board with this is, to me, something akin to selling one's morality for a place at the dinner table. Why do they not speak up when such hateful remarks about women are made? They are silent. Shame on them.

Different opinions and views are good . . . but not this.

I just don’t get it, frankly.

Until men start treating, and believing, women are equal to them on multiple levels, and stop trying to push them off in a corner, we’ll never have true equal rights for all. It seems simple to me . . . Stop creating gender-based legislation . . . Start creating equality legislation, which means, among other things, supporting equal pay for equal work, stepping out of the doctor’s office and the bedroom, and making low-cost birth control more widely available. Stop treating women as second-class citizens.

It starts as kids. Unfortunately some men haven’t grown up.

Oh the joys of Amazon (The 800-pound online gorilla)

Let’s get something out of the way first . . . I am an Amazon whore. I’m addicted. For years I’ve enjoyed the pleasures of online shopping, quick delivery and the arrival of those boxes that remind me of Christmas.

I’ve been a Prime member for more than 10 years. Being able to go online, order a “whatever” and have it delivered to my door 2 days later gives me a certain (albeit a touch too consumption oriented) satisfying tingle. That I don’t have to pay extra for delivery is a bonus . . . (note that delivery itself is free (two days), but there is a yearly Prime cost of $99 now. 

Still, Amazon has spoiled delivery for virtually every other company hanging out a digital shingle. 

I’ve often noted that companies that charge tons for delivery are largely dead to me. Those that charge a delivery fee based on the cost of the items ordered are living in the dark ages and are especially dead to me . . . (Note to Harry & David and their affiliated companies . . . bring yourselves into the current business models.)

I don’t mind reasonable flat shipping charges, like those offered by my favorite olive oil company, Lucero, which offer flat rate shipping sliding scale, starting at $9.95, and free shipping on orders $150 or more. Their boxes filled with glass bottles weigh a ton, and yet they still offer reasonable rates.

To be sure, all shipping rates have risen, so companies continually scramble to stay competitive and still try and cover costs (more or less).

Amazon doesn’t report how many boxes it ships, so it’s a best-guess based on revenue and sales information. Best guess I’ve seen is that Amazon ships between 3.5 and 4.5 million packages a day. A day. That’s about 1,460,000,000 packages a year (using 4 million a day as a reasonable guess). 

That’s a lot of packages.

Most of my Amazon packages are delivered by UPS, with a few deliveries by FedEx and a smaller number by the Postal Service. Again, no companies report how many of Amazon’s packages they deliver. The delivery choice is pretty regional, with UPS the dominant delivery company and, say, FedEx in others, as well as some local and regional companies in other areas and bigger cities.

To be sure, Amazon, and other large online retailers have hurt small mom and pop stores which get no huge breaks on shipping. Some link up with other services, like Etsy, which offers an economic shipping program. Ebay offers a variety of programs that make shipping simple for its sellers. 

Personally, I’ve found the Postal Services Flat Rate (envelopes and boxes) shipping program very simple for those of us who ship things every once in a while and don’t need a UPS or FedEx customer program.

So for all those millions and millions of packages, it’s really amazing my Amazon stuff gets here in 2 days, as ordered and not damaged in and amongst all the millions and millions of other packages.

Thank goodness.

We need to address reproductive issues as much more than a political fight

I am not “pro-abortion.” I’m not sure anyone is.

I support a woman’s right to choose whether or not she can decide to have an abortion or not. I believe birth control and birth control counselling should be widely available free or at minimum cost to any person who wants it. Better birth control availability will mean fewer pregnancies and, thus, fewer abortions. 

That’s perhaps a somewhat logical and reasoned approach. An approach proved ineffective time and time again and in study after study is an “abstinence only” educational policy. It just doesn’t work.

While schools do, and should, teach sex education, including open discussions about birth control, many schools and districts have found that opens a can of worms many people just don’t want to tackle. Lots of parents are opposed to schools teaching any sex ed (they argue that parents should be doing that, not schools). Some programs can’t include any talk about birth control. Others limit sex education to older students, in junior high, for instance. Programs vary from region to region and state to state, and also from private to public to parochial schools.

All well and good, but we know parents in general are bad sex educators and often just don’t take on the subject . . . even though they don’t want schools to either. We’ve already noted that “abstinence only” programs don’t work, no matter how many kids hear the pitch. As for age-appropriate, junior high school is too late to start, since kids have already crossed the sex bridge around that age.

Unfortunately, largely due to the fact that they are the ones who get pregnant and therefore bear the costs, emotional and physical burden and often all the responsibility, women face the biggest challenges when talk about birth control is bantered about by politicians, pastors and teachers, as well as health workers.

I don’t know how we can “force” men to bear more responsibility, but in all this talk about abortions, abortion exemptions and politics, there’s no talk about men . . . only women. Male (and some female) politicians want no exceptions to an abortion ban, meaning no exceptions for rape or incest. You’re 10 years old and raped by your uncle . . . too bad.

It’s that line of thinking that scares some people away from getting birth control counselling and obtaining birth control. Often parents stand in the way of that as well.

So besides teaching younger boys to not only treat girls with respect . . . we need to teach them to take responsibility for their actions (something that certainly should be taught at home and school).

The discussion and political hot potato are stalling real solutions and putting up roadblocks for women. Politicians who want to ban abortions too often also want to limit or restrict birth control. 

That makes no sense if we’re trying to lower the number of unwanted pregnancies. Often politics makes no sense.

So where does this leave us? First, we need to better educate our kids, and that means better and complete sex education in schools, age appropriate and continuing through high school. Second, we need better access to birth control. We need to change the negative tone some pundits take about women who have sex to one that acknowledges many people, men and woman, enjoy sex for sex’s sake.

(Why is it OK for a man to have dozens of sexual partners and not OK for a woman? Somehow she’s a slut and he’s a stud.)

If kids see bad behavior and hear bad words from adults, why would we expect them to act differently?

We also need to make sure we embrace clinics, doctors and health centers that provide counselling, screenings, and birth control. And like it or not, that includes Planned Parenthood, which provides a wide range of service to both men and women.

It’s a nationwide organization where men and women can get counselling about birth control and get help as to what might be best for them. Additionally, since costs are based on a sliding scale, Planned Parenthood is more accessible than many other clinics. Planned Parenthood serves a wide range of women, including college students, lower income women and those, frankly, who want to pay less for their prescriptions, among others.

I support a woman's right to be responsible for her health care without interference from politicians. Her health care decisions should be made by her and her doctor. Period.

There will always be a heated discussion when the topic of abortion comes up, and often people aren’t interested in compromise (or changing their values to find a compromise) but if we want to lower the pregnancy rate in this country, as well as the abortion rate, then we need to face the challenges and not avoid them or try to cover them up with political rhetoric and conflicting proposals.